Holiday Zoo

T’was the day before December, when all through the city
I should’ve woken early, but the weather is shitty
The streets are all decked with holiday cheer
The mad rush is on, until the new year

The children in school, all antsy at their desks
While visions of lunch dance in their heads
With hubby at work, and me in my bed
I consider some shopping, but I still feel quite dead

When out of the blue, I felt a slight whim
I brewed a fresh coffee, and filled it to the brim
Into the bathroom, I quickly got ready
Preparing for hell, I’ll take it slow and steady

The clouds are covering most of the land
I start my car, the driveway is quicksand
When what to my very tired eyes should appear
An oil light of warning, a change is soon near

With a curse and punch to my steering wheel hard
I get on the road, bad drivers I disregard
No matter how careful I am with my habits
The idiots surround me, they drive like they’re rabid

“You asshole, you dick, you can’t drive a stick!”
“You’re not supposed to stop when you turn. MAKE IT QUICK!”
To the end of the street, and around the corner
I’m finally moving, the car is getting warmer

The mad rush of mid-day is so aggravating
So much for lunch, ’til dinner I’m waiting
A few miles down, the traffic congests
What was I thinking? I’m beginning to stress

And then in a moment of random road rage
The driver next to me seemingly aged
A horn and a crunch, not far from us is heard
The sirens will follow, along with curse words

Finally away from the hustle and bustle
I’ve reached my destination, I can safely unbuckle
Taking a breath, I reach for my phone
Where is my purse, to the floor it had flown

The store is a zoo, but that is alright
I’m feeling determined, I proceed without fright
I rush to the carts, there’s only one left
I push my way past, the people I nearly heft

I suddenly smell cookies, my cold nostrils flare
I proceed with caution, I’m a dieter – beware
Through the aisles, I place special things
In the cart that I’m pushing, where germs are the kings

The shelves are messy, destroyed by the masses
Since the recent Black Friday, what a bunch of asses
Even though there isn’t, much of a selection
I find a few treasures, and proceed with inspection

I look at my watch, I haven’t much more time
I must check out, there’s a million people in line
I scramble to the front, of the store with little worry
Is that Santa I hear? Oh, please cashier, HURRY!

As he approached my lane with a smile
He handed me candy. He’s here for a while
My day is much brighter, and not so depressing
I return home safely, and count all my blessings

The Thunder Rolls

It’s not what you think
It isn’t a book
It isn’t a forest
It isn’t a nook

The pinging of droplets
Falling like rain
May work for some
For me not the same

It isn’t a whisper
It isn’t a purr
It isn’t a shower
It isn’t liqueur

The single thing
Soothing the pitfalls
For me at least
Is Niagara Falls

It isn’t quite calm
It isn’t abyss
It isn’t just ‘home’
It isn’t just bliss

The powerful roll
Of the thundering waves
From the river above
Observed from the caves

A/N: I was born and raised 20 minutes from Niagara Falls, New York. For 38 years, I took advantage of the fact, and rarely visited the tourist sites – Goat Island and the surrounding areas, directly at the edge of the American Falls. Now that I’ve been out of the area for nine years, I miss it dearly. If anyone has the means for such a trip, I highly recommend it. And, regardless of what stories are ‘out there’, the American side has just as many nice attractions and accommodations as the Canadian side.

It is truly serene.

Slackerino

Don’t ask what that word is. A certain rat and his weird words has rubbed off on me.

It’s Monday, and I’m way behind on everything. I’ll blame last Thursday’s turkey, and the fact that I had to drive long distance to bring my eldest home for the short break. It was good to see her though. In a few short weeks, she’ll be back for a longer break. And then I can make her drive me everywhere.

But today, after I finish freezing the rest of my 25 pound bird, I need to fold laundry. I’m supposed to go Christmas shopping, but I’d much rather be sitting in my chair, crocheting things I’ll never finish – and catch up on my shows. Yep. I’m a slacker. And it takes being screamed at to get my ass off the computer or out of my chair. I don’t dare sit to crochet, knit, or anything else for that matter during the holiday season.

Oh well. Time to get a move on. I had my hour of fun on Toontown Rewritten.

But first, coffee – or I just might crawl back into bed, which could very well end my year with papers.

Ibuprofen Thoughts 

Here comes a have you ever kind of story.

Have you ever been just relaxing, minding your own business whilst watching television and creeping the internet – when you suddenly have an “OW! What the hell was that?” kind of moment?

I was all curled up, sat sideways in an extremely bad posture that would’ve gotten me the ruler in Catholic grade school.  Something made me cough, which promptly caused a sharp pain around my upper left flank area.  After a quick assessment to determine I wasn’t having a heart attack, followed by certain careful movements, I not so calmly decided either something in my back is pinched again, or I strained a muscle earlier in the day during one of my asthmatic coughing fits.  I’m guessing the latter is the case.

So, since 5 a.m., I’ve been awake, waiting for ibuprofen to start working – which can be anywhere from 10 minutes to almost 2 hours, depending on various conditions.

Meanwhile, as I wait, I’ve browsed the internet, checked my inbox, and played a few rounds of let’s search Google to see if I’m dying.  Yep.  I’m that person who as I search how long it takes for ibuprofen to work, my mind races with thoughts like will this pain stop and why me.

After my short lived stint on WebMd  (which told me I have a life threatening condition), I headed over to Tumblr in an attempt to redirect my hypochondriac thoughts.

Those thoughts turned into things like

This probably isn’t going away soon

 I need to poop

 I’m thirsty

 But I just had a drink of water 

 If I have a drink, I’ll have to pee too

 Should I just get up?

 Why am I still in pain?

 Now I’m hungry

 But my hurtburn just went away!

 John Stamos is freaking HOT AF.

 Thanks, Tumblr, for the great pics!

 Oh look. A picture of David Garrett too. 

 I wonder what time it is in Japan right now

 I don’t need to Google that because I’ve trained my mind to quickly figure it out.

 I hope it doesn’t snow today 

And finally

I’m exhausted … next week.

PS: FML 

 Welcome to my brain.  Good night.  Oh wait.  It’s morning.

-_-

Thank God I Switched

…my major in college… 25 years ago.

Now I know why computer specialists are paid so well. They’re put through hell in college.

Mind you, I switched to something just as brain rotting – mathematics – but I felt it was necessary for the sake of what little was left of my sanity, while pursuing something high in demand at the time – math teachers.

My poor daughter is a computer science major, and her head is quickly turning into something resembling a mushroom, overloaded with numbers and logic. Two classes have her crying almost every night. Apparently, according to upperclassmen, nearly half of the computer science majors at her particular university fail these courses [taught by a specific professor].

Next semester will be trying, but at least I can help her with her statistics class, and her father can help her with discreet math – a class which I won’t even touch with a ten foot pole, because it was almost the cause of a mental breakdown for me. Either the professor was a shit teacher, or logic truly does not exist in my head. After a third attempt, I simply opted for an incomplete, which determined my future of NOT becoming a math teacher.

A useless associates degree and 22 years later, I’ve decided to return to school for something which I should’ve done in the first place. It will be a little bit easier this time. I won’t have a mother breathing down my neck, spying on me to make sure I am even at school. Sorry, Mom. But you damaged me. RIP. I also have that degree behind me, which exempts me from general classes such as humanities, fine arts, and more classes in math.

Well, at least my daughter and I will be able to suffer brain rot together for a few semesters.

Extra Thicc

Whoops! I spelled that wrong – on purpose. I promise it wasn’t click bait!

I just asked for some recommendations for a floor mat for people with bad, arthritic knees. I’m currently planning out a floor exercise routine. It’s going to require a special mat, though. Any time I kneel, I want to cry. This has been the case for years.

Of course, people are giving me all sorts of yoga mat recommendations, but none of them are what I want. They’re all too thin for my liking.

I guess I should’ve specified soft and extra thick.

And WHY is this the majority result when I search Tumblr for an ‘extra thicc‘ image?

But, given the mentality of some of the folks in the group I belong to, the comments section would’ve exploded with a plethora of inappropriate gifs – followed by an avalanche of other comments from the easily offended. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy inappropriate. God knows I need a good laugh to balance out my daily crying.

I guess I’ll just see what recommendations accumulate. No need to start a war in an already dramatic group.

Road Games

They’re bloody dangerous. And anyone who plays them should have their license revoked.

Is the highway shuffle considered road rage?

The other night on the way back from my daughter’s college, we encountered an asshat in a pickup truck. We were in the right lane, behind a tractor trailer, slowly gaining speed. Fine. We simply needed to get in the center lane, where asshat was currently speeding up and slowing down each time we did. In other words, he was actively preventing us from getting over.

By the time we saw a window of opportunity, we hit the gas and proceeded to move over to pass the tractor trailer, scooting in front of asshat. But then he sped up as our front end was even with the tractor trailer, trying to force us into it, which would’ve ended badly. To top it off, when we finally got over, asshat continued his antics by riding our bumper, until he decided to pass us on the far left lane.

Once he was over and back in front of us, he slowed back down again. What a dick! By then, the tractor trailer caught onto his game and swung in front of him. So we went far left, hit the pedal to warp speed, and got the hell away from asshat. About eight or ten car lengths ahead, we looked in the rear view mirrors, and saw that he proceeded to screw with someone else.

I forgot to mention, as we passed, I low key gave asshat the one finger salute whilst ‘resting’ my arm against the window. LOSER!!!

I’ve never seen so many crappy drivers in my life as I have in the past seven years. People are insane. Especially around school buses. At least once a week, I hear a bus driver laying on the horn at people who disregard the lights and stop signs on the bus. It scares the shit out of me, and I have to instruct my son daily, reminding him of the rules of the road, and what to do before crossing. It’s bad when a 14 year old needs to be reminded that there are idiots on the road who might kill him if he doesn’t look both ways at least ten times.

Okay, rant over. Time for lunch, since my breakfast was ruined. RIP my accidentally frozen yogurt. And no. I don’t like it frozen.

How Is It Possible?

Last year, I managed VIP tickets. This year, regular tickets.

I can’t remember the last time I stressed so much over a ticket purchase. I think it was a couple of years ago, when I had trouble with Ed Sheeran tickets, and my daughter lost her mind when I could only get lawn seats – basically shit tickets.

At 4:00 pm local time, tickets for Dan and Phil’s upcoming ‘Interactive Introverts’ went on sale. Given the fact that they literally just announced this tour on Friday last week, people were scrambling for money, making sure their calendars are clear! Boys, if you ever run across this blog/entry, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US?!?!?!

I sat at my computer for a good hour prior to sale time, refreshing my browser to make sure I stayed logged in to Ticketmaster – which sucks, by the way. Within one minute, VIP tickets were sold. I can’t believe how quickly other sections sold! Utter panic set in at 4:05, when I could no longer get floor seats. Luckily I got what I did, because as of 4:10, there was a site error, and I could not get any more tickets if I wanted to.

JESUS CHRIST, Ticketmaster! Get your SHIT together, and stop selling to scalpers!

Okay, I think I’m done having an aneurysm. It’s time to decompress with a double shot of ‘something something’.

Meanwhile, I sit here wondering how other sites suddenly have tickets to this event, with my soul as the price for the cheapest tickets, and my future grandchildren’s souls for better tickets. Seems pretty dubious to me. Even though Ticketmaster is a pain in the ass to deal with, it’s better to go through a trusted site, which is exactly what Dan and Phil stated in their live stream yesterday.

I need another drink.

The First Thing

that comes to mind when I see today’s one word ‘riff’ prompt is this man’s talent.

I’m not very well versed when it comes to reviewing extraordinary music. I always come off sounding like a star struck school girl.

But what can I say? Whenever I listen to my friend’s music, I’m left speechless – without words … or, if you will, awestruck.

Any avid music enthusiast might agree with me when I say there are maybe a handful of artists who have the capability to move mountains with their music. Tim Donahue is one of them. How many musicians can play such complex compositions on a self-crafted intricate instrument, and sing? To top it off, he has composed hundreds of unique pieces, ranging from ethereal jazz, to progressive rock and metal. The average listener would never be able to wrap their head around the way his mind works. He sometimes calls himself a madman. Maybe he’s an alien, like he joked about the other night.

A couple of days ago, I had a rare opportunity to attend one of his gigs. I would share a video I filmed, but out of respect for his wishes and endless hours of hard work, I will only post official videos from his YouTube channel.

Here is a piece he performed the other night.

Because my brother saved me a seat right in front, I needed to be careful with my eyes. So, I took the opportunity to observe other folks around me. They were truly mesmerized and blown away by his talent.

Here’s the best part about this man: He not only creates and performs some of the best harp guitar music ever, but he is also a beast on the regular guitar when he occasionally performs on his flying v electric guitar. His 2004 Madmen & Sinners CD drew such a large progressive metal audience, it left many wanting MORE.

A few follow-up tracks with James LaBrie’s vocals were recorded, but never officially released. One of those tracks can be heard here.

There is also a track from his current rock opera project, THE CAGE. Many of his progressive metal fans are anxiously awaiting more material, and a possible release date. We are keeping our fingers and toes crossed!

Meanwhile, various tracks can be found on several of his sites. Here’s the opening track to THE CAGE.

I simply cannot find the right words to describe how talented he is. If anyone is ever in Japan, be sure to check his official website for any gigs he may have listed. You will not be disappointed.

Bull In A China Shop

Here comes a minor rant. But it’s kind of funny. Especially to those who might be in the same boat.

Who here has a clumsy spouse?

I really can’t have anything nice in the house. At least once a day, I hear “Son of a bitch” or “God damnit!” – followed by things being thrown or slammed around. There are days where I don’t even bother asking anymore. In fact, I just avoid the area altogether. I might walk into the kitchen of wrath, and get blamed for booby trapping everything.

And then there are days where I’m just as clumsy. For instance, when I was going to bed. Just inside the doorway of my room sat a vacuum cleaner, which I proceeded to break my little toe on at two in the morning. And the other day, when I got accused of alcohol abuse.

You see, I’m so short, I need to stand on stools to get anything from our kitchen cupboards. Including the bottle of Jack Daniels on the top shelf, where my husband hides it from me. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve dropped whilst playing catch in the middle of pulling items forward with a spatula. All I know is, it’s time to replace three broken shot glasses.

There is no such thing as gingerly in my family. Hence why I don’t buy fragile things anymore.

Have I mentioned my tendency to zap electronics? In the eight years I worked in a photo developing lab, I managed to short out two motherboards on some of the machinery. I’m lucky I still have a heart, and tend to wonder if some of my irregular heartbeats are due to how often I’ve gotten electrocuted on things – even on running water in the bathroom sink.