Holiday Zoo

T’was the day before December, when all through the city
I should’ve woken early, but the weather is shitty
The streets are all decked with holiday cheer
The mad rush is on, until the new year

The children in school, all antsy at their desks
While visions of lunch dance in their heads
With hubby at work, and me in my bed
I consider some shopping, but I still feel quite dead

When out of the blue, I felt a slight whim
I brewed a fresh coffee, and filled it to the brim
Into the bathroom, I quickly got ready
Preparing for hell, I’ll take it slow and steady

The clouds are covering most of the land
I start my car, the driveway is quicksand
When what to my very tired eyes should appear
An oil light of warning, a change is soon near

With a curse and punch to my steering wheel hard
I get on the road, bad drivers I disregard
No matter how careful I am with my habits
The idiots surround me, they drive like they’re rabid

“You asshole, you dick, you can’t drive a stick!”
“You’re not supposed to stop when you turn. MAKE IT QUICK!”
To the end of the street, and around the corner
I’m finally moving, the car is getting warmer

The mad rush of mid-day is so aggravating
So much for lunch, ’til dinner I’m waiting
A few miles down, the traffic congests
What was I thinking? I’m beginning to stress

And then in a moment of random road rage
The driver next to me seemingly aged
A horn and a crunch, not far from us is heard
The sirens will follow, along with curse words

Finally away from the hustle and bustle
I’ve reached my destination, I can safely unbuckle
Taking a breath, I reach for my phone
Where is my purse, to the floor it had flown

The store is a zoo, but that is alright
I’m feeling determined, I proceed without fright
I rush to the carts, there’s only one left
I push my way past, the people I nearly heft

I suddenly smell cookies, my cold nostrils flare
I proceed with caution, I’m a dieter – beware
Through the aisles, I place special things
In the cart that I’m pushing, where germs are the kings

The shelves are messy, destroyed by the masses
Since the recent Black Friday, what a bunch of asses
Even though there isn’t, much of a selection
I find a few treasures, and proceed with inspection

I look at my watch, I haven’t much more time
I must check out, there’s a million people in line
I scramble to the front, of the store with little worry
Is that Santa I hear? Oh, please cashier, HURRY!

As he approached my lane with a smile
He handed me candy. He’s here for a while
My day is much brighter, and not so depressing
I return home safely, and count all my blessings

The Thunder Rolls

It’s not what you think
It isn’t a book
It isn’t a forest
It isn’t a nook

The pinging of droplets
Falling like rain
May work for some
For me not the same

It isn’t a whisper
It isn’t a purr
It isn’t a shower
It isn’t liqueur

The single thing
Soothing the pitfalls
For me at least
Is Niagara Falls

It isn’t quite calm
It isn’t abyss
It isn’t just ‘home’
It isn’t just bliss

The powerful roll
Of the thundering waves
From the river above
Observed from the caves

A/N: I was born and raised 20 minutes from Niagara Falls, New York. For 38 years, I took advantage of the fact, and rarely visited the tourist sites – Goat Island and the surrounding areas, directly at the edge of the American Falls. Now that I’ve been out of the area for nine years, I miss it dearly. If anyone has the means for such a trip, I highly recommend it. And, regardless of what stories are ‘out there’, the American side has just as many nice attractions and accommodations as the Canadian side.

It is truly serene.

Slackerino

Don’t ask what that word is. A certain rat and his weird words has rubbed off on me.

It’s Monday, and I’m way behind on everything. I’ll blame last Thursday’s turkey, and the fact that I had to drive long distance to bring my eldest home for the short break. It was good to see her though. In a few short weeks, she’ll be back for a longer break. And then I can make her drive me everywhere.

But today, after I finish freezing the rest of my 25 pound bird, I need to fold laundry. I’m supposed to go Christmas shopping, but I’d much rather be sitting in my chair, crocheting things I’ll never finish – and catch up on my shows. Yep. I’m a slacker. And it takes being screamed at to get my ass off the computer or out of my chair. I don’t dare sit to crochet, knit, or anything else for that matter during the holiday season.

Oh well. Time to get a move on. I had my hour of fun on Toontown Rewritten.

But first, coffee – or I just might crawl back into bed, which could very well end my year with papers.

Ibuprofen Thoughts 

Here comes a have you ever kind of story.

Have you ever been just relaxing, minding your own business whilst watching television and creeping the internet – when you suddenly have an “OW! What the hell was that?” kind of moment?

I was all curled up, sat sideways in an extremely bad posture that would’ve gotten me the ruler in Catholic grade school.  Something made me cough, which promptly caused a sharp pain around my upper left flank area.  After a quick assessment to determine I wasn’t having a heart attack, followed by certain careful movements, I not so calmly decided either something in my back is pinched again, or I strained a muscle earlier in the day during one of my asthmatic coughing fits.  I’m guessing the latter is the case.

So, since 5 a.m., I’ve been awake, waiting for ibuprofen to start working – which can be anywhere from 10 minutes to almost 2 hours, depending on various conditions.

Meanwhile, as I wait, I’ve browsed the internet, checked my inbox, and played a few rounds of let’s search Google to see if I’m dying.  Yep.  I’m that person who as I search how long it takes for ibuprofen to work, my mind races with thoughts like will this pain stop and why me.

After my short lived stint on WebMd  (which told me I have a life threatening condition), I headed over to Tumblr in an attempt to redirect my hypochondriac thoughts.

Those thoughts turned into things like

This probably isn’t going away soon

 I need to poop

 I’m thirsty

 But I just had a drink of water 

 If I have a drink, I’ll have to pee too

 Should I just get up?

 Why am I still in pain?

 Now I’m hungry

 But my hurtburn just went away!

 John Stamos is freaking HOT AF.

 Thanks, Tumblr, for the great pics!

 Oh look. A picture of David Garrett too. 

 I wonder what time it is in Japan right now

 I don’t need to Google that because I’ve trained my mind to quickly figure it out.

 I hope it doesn’t snow today 

And finally

I’m exhausted … next week.

PS: FML 

 Welcome to my brain.  Good night.  Oh wait.  It’s morning.

-_-

Thank God I Switched

…my major in college… 25 years ago.

Now I know why computer specialists are paid so well. They’re put through hell in college.

Mind you, I switched to something just as brain rotting – mathematics – but I felt it was necessary for the sake of what little was left of my sanity, while pursuing something high in demand at the time – math teachers.

My poor daughter is a computer science major, and her head is quickly turning into something resembling a mushroom, overloaded with numbers and logic. Two classes have her crying almost every night. Apparently, according to upperclassmen, nearly half of the computer science majors at her particular university fail these courses [taught by a specific professor].

Next semester will be trying, but at least I can help her with her statistics class, and her father can help her with discreet math – a class which I won’t even touch with a ten foot pole, because it was almost the cause of a mental breakdown for me. Either the professor was a shit teacher, or logic truly does not exist in my head. After a third attempt, I simply opted for an incomplete, which determined my future of NOT becoming a math teacher.

A useless associates degree and 22 years later, I’ve decided to return to school for something which I should’ve done in the first place. It will be a little bit easier this time. I won’t have a mother breathing down my neck, spying on me to make sure I am even at school. Sorry, Mom. But you damaged me. RIP. I also have that degree behind me, which exempts me from general classes such as humanities, fine arts, and more classes in math.

Well, at least my daughter and I will be able to suffer brain rot together for a few semesters.