What little I can recall of my short lived dreams in the middle of the night, is very fragmented – and very f*cked up. I’ll blame the antibiotics I’m on. Last night was the first dose, and my sleep sucked more than usual.
I can’t recall a beginning or an end. All I remember is I was trying to shoot something to keep it from killing me, and that the neighbors were all outside watching to see if I’d survive.
They were laughing, and it was pissing me off, because I couldn’t figure out why, until I went to grab my gun, which was buried in the snow near my car. Someone had apparently hidden it. Thanks, folks. I love you too.
Meanwhile, the neighbors began pointing fingers at each other – except for one. And she was wearing a bikini.
Completely disregarding the beast that was trying to eat me alive, I had to find out why this chick was wearing a bikini. But by the time I reached her, she had transported us to a hotel beach resort. Hungry beast problem solved!
But then we were in a hotel room, where she took off her bikini to get in the tanning booth inside of our bathroom. What kind of hotel has tanning booths in the rooms? Sign me up if I ever win the lottery!
When room service came knocking, we had to be quiet, because room service was actually the porn police, who apparently found out we had porn and toys in the room. HUH??? WHERE? Lights out!
But the pounding on the door didn’t stop. And for some reason – probably because of the porn and toys – the hotel room was now my parents’ old bedroom, and then I was frantically trying to find hiding places for shit, before my parents got home.
And then I woke up, coughing up a lung, because this creeping crud called flu won’t let me bloody sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. Except when I wanted to lie back down after going to the bathroom, an attack of restless legs and a hot flash decided to have a little fun with me.
F*ck you, flu.
I need a nap.