I forgot about yesterday. And, to be quite honest, I slept like crap the night before last, and I don’t think I had any dreams.
But, last night was quite interesting. My dreams were centered around two individuals from our recent past, who I haven’t dreamed about in a while. Ever since a major life decision was made, for months I had frequent dreams about them.
In recent weeks, those dreams have been less frequent. But they still happen once in awhile. It bothers me a lot. When I discussed it with a professional, two things were suggested. I dream about them because I’m paranoid. Why am I paranoid? Come to find out, I was repeatedly blamed for everything currently wrong in their lives. … And then, I miss them. WHAT?
The subconscious is a screwy thing. But, how could I not support a loved one through such a decision?
For nearly 2 years now, I’ve been coping with a small void. On days when I sit and worry whether I’ll eventually be blamed me for the decision, that is when my subconscious and guilt kick into overdrive. And then the dreams happen, and I wake up with a tear stained pillow. But why do I feel guilty for someone else’s decision? I’m still trying to figure that out.
My head is a mess, and I need some kind of closure. But, I’m forbidden from making contact. I’ve been told it’s for my own good, sanity, and safety. I may still question whether the whole thing was a wise choice, but I certainly don’t wish to see misery reemerge.
The only thing that might help me at this point is knowing that there are others out there in the same situation.