Easy Does It

The things I think of in my waking moments…

This morning was one of my list making mornings. Mental lists, that is. That said, have you ever made weird lists? Like things you need or wish existed that might simply life just a teensy bit?

I don’t apologize for that gif.  I just didn’t want to use the same hand raising gif that I used in a past post.  There aren’t enough of them on the world wide web.

But back to my list, from my utopian world, where life is perfect and people are always happy.

Things that might make life slightly easier:

• A laundry fairy – I don’t mind housework. But I absolutely cannot stand doing laundry. My best friend says I’m avoiding putting it away. Maybe I need a ‘put away’ fairy instead?  I’ll clean the dishes or vacuum any day.

• Intelligent automobiles – The kind that shut down if it doesn’t recognize its owner or a family member approaching … even if the camera is smashed, or the wiring is screwed with, or if the owner is being held at gun/knife point. It just won’t start. The kind that won’t start for an intoxicated person. The kind that drives you home on auto-pilot if you’re too tired (have you seen Time Cop?).  And finally, the kind that snaps a picture of anyone who vandalizes your vehicle, and sends it to the police – after squirting oil and shouting every obscenity in the book at them.

I hate long paragraphs!

• A genie who will grant me 3 wishes. But any X-Files or Supernatural fan might know how badly wishes can go, because some genies are just fucking evil.

• An automatic filter in my brain that reacts and speaks in a socially acceptable way when something makes me want to

Yes, I’m a huge X-Files fan.

• Winning the lottery – isn’t that everyone’s dream?  It doesn’t necessarily mean happiness.  But it could work a few wonders.

• Happy pills – WAIT, those actually exist.  Maybe a happy placebo?  I already take enough meds that make me tired.  I don’t want to ingest more synthetic crap than necessary.  Do happy placebos exist?  Oh, DOC…!  Wouldn’t that be a riot, going into the ER for something, and they’re reading my meds list from the computer?

“Zyrtec? – Yep.  Lipitor? – Yep.  Vitamin D, CoQ-10, and iron? – Yep.  PLACEBO HAPPY PILLS?” – LOL

… and I immediately regret searching ‘WTF’ gifs on Tumblr.  I need a brillo pad for my eyes for the things I can’t un-see.

• A self hydrating body.  It is recommended that every individual consume half of their body weight in ounces of water.  More if you’re highly active.  Excuse me.  I pee enough as it is.  How am I supposed to stay hydrated, when I pee every 15 minutes from drinking that freaking much?

• A disease that wipes clowns off the face of the earth – because clowns shouldn’t be allowed to fucking exist.  It may not make life easier, but it sure takes care of a lot of clown phobias.  One less phobia for me!

And finally, a REDO BUTTON.

I fucking love Jenna!

PS: I need a hobby, because adult coloring, photography, crochet, playing my violin, and writing aren’t enough…

… I can’t play my violin, because I can’t afford to get my bow re-haired!

… and I currently have 4 crochet projects ‘in progress’, and about 30 coloring books that are neglected.

… and I need a job.

PPS: My apologies to anyone who uses multiple ‘PS‘ in their content. Those multiples are just necessary sometimes. You know what I mean? I’m sure you do, since you use them. I’ll try not to do it again.

PPPS: I edited out most of them – but I fucking did it again.

I’m sorry!  Please forgive me?

 

6 thoughts on “Easy Does It

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s