I Need To Grow Up

My best friend just sent me a video of something that made me cough-laugh … and flinch.

This was originally going to be titled ‘Things That Scare Me‘. But then I thought why not make a title that’s really ME?

Here are a few things that scare the shit out of me, including what my best friend just sent me:

•Exploding biscuits (the original link she sent me is broken – but there are plenty of YouTube videos)

•The basement – every time I’m down there, I run frantically up the steps in fear of the basement monster grabbing my ankles. This has always been the case.

•The closet monster – I never sleep until my closet door is closed.

The monster under the bed – YES, the monster under the bed! I check every single night.

•Silence – especially at night, when I always hear weird shit, and everyone is asleep. I currently sleep with a fan, an air filter, AND a white noise app – all on my side of the bed. There’s never enough noise.

•Cancer sniffing dogs – the last few times I was at the Cleveland Clinic, they came right to me. I’m slightly paranoid.

•Being possessed – What can I say? I’m a God-fearing Christian … a sinning God-fearing Christian, who is probably going to hell.

•Jason – From ‘Friday the 13th’. Even though I love horror films, I have difficulty with that particular franchise.

•Ice – on any surface where I walk. This is a legitimate fear. I fell twice within one month a few years back, and now I’m paranoid.

•Doctors – another valid fear, based on my past health issues, and multiple surgeries.

And finally, wind. I can’t tell you how many tornado dreams I’ve had in 47 years.

PS: Phantom smells scare the living shit out of me. I’ve had them for years, but some medical professionals suggest that this is either seizures, or a brain tumor. I would like it if I had neither of those. THANKS. Yes, I’m a mild hypochondriac.

One thought on “I Need To Grow Up

  1. BAHAHAHAHAHA! I am with you on the ankle grabbers! I freak out going down my few laundry room steps every time! Must be something your Mother said to us! Lol
    No closet monster but I do need the closet doors closed.
    Silence is never here! But if my air conditioner is on I hate it! It’s too loud. If I am gonna hear noises all day and night, I need to know if it was originally inside the house and not an intruder. 👻

    Like

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