Wide Awake

I was half dead, up until 40 minutes ago, when my son yelled “WHOA, THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE YARD!!!”

I was prepared to grab my camera, thinking COOL! A DEER. But when I asked him how big the deer was, he was like No. It’s something else. HE looked like a deer in headlights when I approached him as he stood frozen at the front door, still waiting for the bus.

And then I saw it, hopping across our front yard – which is very small, might I add.

For a second I was like oh no until it headed toward the street.  And then I was like OH SHIT, preparing for major stink if it got hit, because there was a car quickly approaching.  And then the SKUNK was like WHOOPS! and headed back toward my front porch, and then I was like OH F*CK!!!

Then I thought, well, my son isn’t going to school because if this little stinker doesn’t go away, he won’t be going out the door to the bus, because he’s afraid of everything outside.  And I am currently without transportation to take him in.

And then I was like “That thing don’t look right”.  And then my son was all “Aww BUT HE’S ADORABLE”.

And then I was like “You won’t think it’s adorable if he sprays you.  Then we’ll have to burn all of your clothes, and you’ll be soaking in a tub full of tomato juice to get rid of the stink”.  And he was like “We’ll even have to burn my phone?!”, because he didn’t care at all that he would’ve had to take his clothes off outside, because that shit isn’t coming into my house.

Now excuse me.  My inner IBS has woken, and I desperately need to address it – before there’s a problem.

Good morning.

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