You Make My Heart Erect

I not only need a hearing aid, but I really need to wear my glasses.

When I finished brewing my cup of coffee, my Keurig 2 had a message for me, which I promptly read as TIME TO DESICCATE THE BREWER.  At first I was like which ass clown programmed this particular machine?  And then I was like OHHHHH, time to DESCALE the brewer.  A person with a thin vocabulary might not even understand, and might possibly freak out, thinking the machine has scales.

But, since I hadn’t even taken one sip from my first cup yet, I can understand why my vision and general reasoning are still foggy.

If you’re wondering about the hearing aids, I have 40+ years of experience in pissing people off by making them repeat themselves at least three times.  But now, I’ve learned to politely ask people I’m not familiar with to please speak up because I have terrible hearing loss – along with lip reading to make good and sure I’m hearing correctly.  I still like to piss off family and friends on a regular basis though.

You know the State Farm commercial featuring the old Doris Day classic ‘A Bushel And A Peck’???


Well, guess what?  Refer to the title of this entry, and that’s what I thought I was hearing in this commercial, until just a few days ago, when I heard the original tune on an oldies music channel.

Thank goodness for captions on television.  Now where are my glasses……



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