Has your body ever betrayed you, or sometimes your mouth, without your permission?
Since forever, I’ve come out with some weird shit that people still never let me forget. It’s not an age thing with me, and I don’t know if my brain is working faster than my mouth, but some things just come out sounding wrong.
“I need to keed the fitty (feed the kitty)” – a million years ago before cat allergies.
“Can I have some cheeps?” – chips
Even worse is when you bend over or sneeze/cough, and rude things happen.
It’s one thing when you pronounce a few words incorrectly. But when you come out with something like “Almost only counts in horse grenades and hand greshoes” …. Just to clarify, it wasn’t me who said that. Someone else in the house did, though. And I about died from laughter, because I’m usually the one who suffers from verbal diarrhea.
I really need to start properly documenting the weird crap that just spews from my mouth. Maybe it’s age, hormones, kids, or all of the above, but I’m forgetting how to English. I could probably publish a book with my lifelong unintentionally hilarious crap.
Perhaps I was an ancient goddess in a previous life, and I only spoke in tongues.
Seriously embarrassing is when you poot in a store, standing next to someone that you thought was your spouse, and they turn to you with an incredulous glare.
I should’ve left this gif huge.
And finally, I hate when I’m in a quiet public place, and some demonic grumbling noise comes from somewhere between my stomach and throat. It’s not quite a burp, and it’s definitely not a hunger sound.
I can’t express how embarrassing it was when the hot guy next to me in the library moved away as quickly as possible.
PS: I apologize for my recent lack of creativity. Sleep disturbances and constant hunger do that to a person sometimes.
…the eternal struggle…