She’s Here

WARNING!  Female stuff ahead.  No further explanation is needed.

Just so you know, those days are over for me.  It only took almost dying from low blood count, which resulted in two units of blood and a 24 hour stay in the hospital for observation.

That in itself sucked because the doctors were having a hard time finding the right match because of whatever crap is in blood that needs to be close to mine.  Apparently I have some weird antibodies.  My daughter says I’m a unicorn because of my ridiculous health ‘things‘.

But I digress.  This isn’t about me.  It’s about the monthly suffering that God cursed women with when Eve committed the first sin.  Can you imagine if she hadn’t picked that apple from the tree of knowledge???

Women wouldn’t feel the need to rip out their uterus every month, or wish for death during childbirth, because God gave us pain as our punishment.

But pain isn’t the only pain in the ass during that time.  I won’t talk about literal pain in the ass for some women, because shit just isn’t ever simple when it comes to our periods.  Noooooooo … We gotta go all red sea whenever we sneeze, cough, or laugh.

I apologize for nothing.

Heaven forbid there is the slightest hint of incontinence.

If any of those things happen all at once, you might as well call it quits, because you’re out of granny panties in less than a day, and you can’t wash because you’re too emotional to even remember how to properly use the settings on your washing machine.

So, you send your mom, sister or bff to the store for ‘supplies’, because everyone else suddenly vanishes, or they have to go to work, or school, or they can’t find their keys.

The only good thing about the entire situation is the legitimate excuse for eating gallons of ice cream and bags of chocolate while laying on the couch (because there is no sitting when Aunt Flo is being that obnoxious – otherwise furniture will be ruined, in addition to clothing) and bingeing on Netflix.

You are welcome.

 

 

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