This is not about Dan Howell, or the meme – even though Dan Howell is a living meme. I wish it were about him. But now that winter is finally over…
Instead, my daughter was so kind to inform me that there was something in the bathtub. She thought it was a centipede. And of course my husband wasn’t about to kill it, because he was already in bed. So of course I’m the designated leggy boi assassin.
As if my fear of spiders aren’t enough, my fear of centipedes are even worse. I never used to fear them, until I accidentally touched one in my kitchen sink about 6 years ago.
After that, I would rather kill a spider ….. except for the 2 inch wolfie that scattered from me yesterday. It was on my porch steps, and when I almost levitated into the house after helping my daughter carry food into the house from her truck, she promptly got back in the truck, and slammed the door.
“I’m not coming inside!”
But once I convinced her that the mutant arachnid was long gone, she scurried into the house as fast as she could, and swore she was never going to step foot outside again.
Once I figured out that her bathtub leggy boi wasn’t actually a centipede, she relaxed. But I’m NOT relaxed, because even though it was just a tiny little silverfish, it wouldn’t f*cking die. The little a-hole scurried under the bathmat, making me strain my back as I ripped suction cupped rubber away from the tub.
I absolutely hate silverfish. They usually seek moisture, and live in bathrooms. But years ago, for some reason, they found refuge in the cubbie-hole crawlspaces in my room! I don’t know what they were after, but my room was about as dry as the Sahara Desert. There’s nothing worse than waking to one of those mofos in bed with you.
Now, tonight’s silverfish is down the sewer for its trouble. And I’m not taking another shower until Kevin makes good on his promise to clean the bathroom – which will be Saturday after he gets out of work.
And finally, I’m definitely taking something for sleep tonight. If I don’t, the heebie jeebies will most definitely keep me awake.
And three consecutive nights of awake is not an option for me.