When The Subconscious Needs A Break

I can’t decide whether I should just skip sleep, or seek help.  I can’t seem to get my mother out of my dreams lately, and it’s really making me upset – and paranoid that the afterlife does indeed exist, and that she’s haunting me via my dreams.

Even worse are the school dreams!  I can’t seem to get away from them.  It’s like each night I’m taking another test.  Last night really sucked because I was taking a math exam, and the teacher – we’ll call him Mr. Richman – was like 8 feet tall, and I was like 2 feet tall compared to him, and he wasn’t sane!  He kinda reminded me of this guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

And of course I was late AGAIN, and people were almost done with the freaking test when I walked in.  But he forgave me and let me take the test, except the test wasn’t normal, and things were on it that we didn’t cover in class, and he was like “All you need to do is connect the dots.  How hard can that be?”

CONNECT THE FREAKING DOTS?????  THERE ARE NO DOTS ON THIS TEST!!!  AND I ALREADY HAVE A MATH DEGREE!!!! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO CONNECT ANY FREAKING DOTS!!!

But then he got angry when I questioned him, and he started repeating connect the dots in rapid succession, until it sunk into my thick skull.

I really need to stop watching horror for a little bit.  I think it’s getting to me.

When I finally finished my math exam, I went to my locker to empty out, and couldn’t remember my combination.  And in the middle of trying to remember it, 2 girls came tearing through the hall, threatening to kill Kevin’s niece, who was taunting them.

After she disappeared to her test, I tried to find a stairwell so I could leave school, and I discovered a weird doorway that led to freaking nowhere, except death.  I almost fell 4 stories to the ground, when a teacher from my past grabbed me in the nick of time, yelling to never open that door again.

When I finally made it home, my mother was busy twirling my combination lock in her hand, frowning at me because I couldn’t open my locker.  “Well, it’s my lock anyways.”  No.  It’s MY lock.  Actually, it belongs to the school, and I’m supposed to hand it in, or I won’t graduate.  “Well, I guess you’re not graduating”.  And then I proceeded to lose my shit, swearing at her to give me the f*cking lock.

As I ran down the stairs with the lock in hand, she tried to push me down the stairs so that I couldn’t turn the damn lock in.  Like. WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK, MOM?????  WYD?!?!?!

And now I can’t remember the rest of my dream because 1. I’m so traumatized over the dreams about school, tests, and my mom, and 2. I waited too long to write this because I was busy trying to clear my head of trauma all day.

I think it’s time to break out the coloring books and avoid any screen time (tv/movies) for a while.  Does hypnosis work?  I need a break from my mom as well.

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