WHO Is Douglas?

And why does he need to eat a full biscuit inside of my computer?  Do I have microscopic people secretly living in my wireless router?  Is this some kind of Borrowers shit?

I’m not exactly tech savvy when it comes to computers, but I like to consider our home network fairly safe with a decent password – not that we’re hiding anything.  I’m just saying.

It’s weird when you go into your network settings to do some maintenance and you see another computer called Douglas.  Even more weird is when it keeps disappearing and reappearing, and then you’re like

Then after you reboot your computer, and specifically go looking for Douglas, he’s not freaking there, but instead you see full biscuit.  And because food doesn’t belong inside the damn computer, you want Douglas back.  But then the biscuit jerk disappears, just like Douglas did.  And then you’re pounding your fist on the desk, demanding to know what the f*ck is going on!

So, you resort to the internet, where there are thousands of differing stories about Douglas, full biscuit, and an array of other weird names that are mysteriously showing up on people’s computers.  Then when you see a somewhat common answer


OH GOD, IF IT WERE ONLY THAT SIMPLE!!!

…you begin scrolling through all of the “IS NOT”s and “IS SO”s.  Thanks, Reddit.  You’re useless!

Even worse is trying to find out the MAC address of your echo dot, which Amazon obviously keeps secret, so that consumers don’t alter big brother their precious daughter.  Don’t bother asking her, either.  You’ll just get “Sorry.  I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

Now that I’m done freaking out, and my paranoia has calmed down (just slightly), it’s time for dinner.

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