This Is SO Messed Up

Perhaps it’s time to start taking that prescription sleeping medication the doctor prescribed. Will it help with my whacked dreams? Who knows? What I do know is I just couldn’t escape the weird early this morning. Actually, it was approximately between 8:30 and 10:30.

The first sequence I remember is being in school. But I can’t recall if it was high school or college. Either way, I was taking a history course, and of course my old grade school teacher of two years was once again in my dream, and she was my professor.

As per usual when I have school dreams, I’ve missed the first few classes at the beginning of the year (I was a chronic skipper in my last semester of college). So, I had to think of an excuse. But then I didn’t need to because I snuck into the classroom when she had her back turned.

Mean kids wouldn’t let me sit at any desk !!!

Then they wouldn’t lend me a pencil so I could take notes. So I wound up taking my place on a bench, where I proceeded to play sick, and fell asleep. When I woke up (in my dream), Ms. Teacher was carefully tending to me, but I was somehow transferred to the nurse’s office.

After I felt better, everyone left the building, and I went outside to find my truck. By now it was dark and raining. And I couldn’t find my truck because I apparently parked a few blocks away.

As I walked, there was a lot of mischief going on around me, and I had to make it quick before I was attacked or something. When I finally found my truck, it was mysteriously parked at a high school I used to attend in 9th grade.

Side note: When I just searched giphy for ‘weird’, some very disturbing images popped up which I won’t share here because they’re quite … well, disturbing, for lack of a better word because I’m currently drinking wine as I write.

Anyway, I got into the school, but only because people we leaving, and I caught the door just before it locked.

Inside the school was your typical nightmarish endless hallways and doors that led to other doors and hallways that kept getting more and more narrow. In one of the secret hallways, I came across a maintenance guy who somehow knew I was looking for my backpack which I left in Ms. Teacher’s classroom, but wasn’t there when I checked.

I really needed my backpack because Ms. Teacher was going to fail me if I didn’t show up with proper notes for the next class.

Mr. Maintenance started taking me through more secret corridors until we hit a wall with only one way out via a ladder at the end of the wall. First of all, I hate ladders and heights, and second of all, there was a noise coming from behind the damn wall.

Mr. Maintenance: “Is that what I think it sounds like???”

RUN! he screams. And we barely make it out before everything is up in flames. I knew people were up to no good!!! Meanwhile, I hightailed it back to the other place, still in search of my backpack. And of course my truck disappeared.

Now the place was some co-op antiques place, where room after room was filled with dealers selling weird crap. To top it off, my best friend was there, waiting for me to help me find my backpack.

Then my mom happened to be there, selling things. She was in a chair, writing a list of all the things she sold for the day. And for once, I ran to her and hugged her, sobbing like a baby, telling her that I missed her so much. Then she told me where to find my backpack, and that she’d see me soon, which kinda worried me.

As I ran frantically to where I knew my backpack was, or at least where Mom thought it was, the drawbridge I was running across started to go up, and I jumped across, clinging to a car that was clinging to the underside of the freaking bridge!!! The car fell, but I somehow made it, and continued running – with Tom Cruise running behind me. I guess he was shooting a scene for a movie, and he was on my tail as I jumped the bridge.

When I got to my backpack and started drilling the lost and found guy, there was only one black leather bag that matched the description I gave him. Unfortunately it only had odd shoes and boots in it. It wasn’t mine after all. However, he gave me info as to where my truck was currently at, and that I needed to hurry before the jerks that blew up the school took it.

Turns out those jerks knew me, and they were looking for me. Unlucky me ran into one of the gang, and the only way I could escape was by flirting. But then I found out he actually liked me and that was why he was looking for me. He was young, and I was looking for a way to escape. The unthinkable happened, and I kissed him, then made him guess my age.

“22?” Nope. His eyes widened. “29????” Higher. “Um…35?” He started looking extremely sick. “Try 48, you little shit.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone blush as deeply as he did, or run away as fast as he did when my cougar claws popped out.

On to my truck! FINALLY!!! AND, my backpack was there, notebooks, binders and all. Time to wake the hell up!

Thanks to giphy for all of the above gifs.

PS: The guy (young enough to be my kid) in my dream was 28. LEGAL. And if you think I enjoyed that, then you’re right, because he was hot, and a model.

PPS: Now I need to go to confession.

I’m so sorry, Dan.

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