Too Soon?

In light of the recent ridiculous Tide pod challenge, I just can’t help my twisted sense of humor. I posted jokes in two places on social media today, and I’ve already gotten one very scathing message in my private inbox from an obviously fake profile.

Get a grip.

Does it really shock people when others make hilarious memes and horrible jokes about others’ misfortune? I mean let’s face it. Most people laugh at the expense of others in some way or another. People are the butt of jokes. I should know. I’ve endured it all of my life so far. Hell, I even got a Christmas card recently poking fun at something from my past. For a few seconds, I was like son of a bitch. But then I laughed it off as I put the card through my paper shredder.

But I digress. If you can’t laugh at life, why live? I take that back, because people might twist my words, thinking I’m encouraging some awful alternative to living.

Laugh a little, folks. Yes, terrible things happen. No, people aren’t going to stop making jokes about those things. As I say with other things that easily offend certain people, keep scrolling.

Good morning, and have a nice day.

PS: I just can’t help tagging ‘Food and Drink’. Bite me.

To Vlog Or Not To Vlog

I have a major idea for vlogging.  But, in light of recent YouTube and AdSense restrictions, I’m very hesitant.  Maybe I’ll start small, and progress to a fan sponsored site – if it ever gets to that point.  We will see.  I’m still on the fence for one main reason – which I cannot share here … or anywhere online … EVER.  But, I digress.

There is so much pressure to make virtually everything PC, sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth venturing down the road to internet fame – or even fame, period.  Not that being famous is on my list of priorities.  Aside from the financial aspect, being famous can be a horrific experience.  Also, I’m not on par with ‘popular’ opinion, unfortunately, and I realize that could hurt any possibility of making extra money via the public eye.

Even more so, I’m afraid to even get a regular job these days.  I’ll need to pre-train my brain well beforehand, so that my mouth doesn’t get me fired and/or sued for anything construed as hate, racism, sexism, etcetera.  Not that I’m a hater.  But let’s face it.  You look at someone wrong these days, or even smile (it seems), and you are sued for something.

And that’s my rant for the day!  I’m off for a nice hour of relaxation – and a much needed adjustment.

Bye Felicia

Here comes a personal rant.  So, if you don’t want to see it, keep scrolling.

First, a little back story, which goes back a few years, starting with yesterday.

Let me start by saying our health care system sucks.  So bad, that it has been increasingly difficult to obtain medications.  Even maintenance meds.  Yesterday, we needed a script filled, only to find out that our ass backwards new insurance requires us to fill everything via mail order – if we want generic, and our 90 day supply.

Otherwise, if we fill at a retail pharmacy, the insurance doesn’t cover generic.  EXSQUEEZE ME???  First of all, shipping costs.  It doesn’t save money.  Second of all, the extra employees needed to run those mail order pharmacies…  I’m not educated in economics, but this just doesn’t make any sense to me at all.  If you ask me, it’s our government at work, screwing the little people.

Anyway, above said script needs to be filled with the brand name.  OK.  No problem.  That’ll be $200 please.  No problem.  We have that covered.  Except it’s not in stock.  Give me the script.  I’ll call around.  It’s too cold to run around in weather that makes my nipples fall off.

First and second phone call to local pharmacies: “Sorry, we don’t have it in stock”.  Damn.  Thanks.  Next pharmacy.

Next phone call:  In a less than civil tone of voice “We can’t give that information over the phone” … click.   Well f*ck you too, bitch.

So what do I do?  I get on a social media group to ask why this happened, and why I was treated so badly on the phone.  Apparently, pharmacies are not supposed to give stock information about certain medications.  It leaves them open to robbery.  Well shit.  I never thought of that.  Why would I even think that way?

After living in the city for nearly eight years, I still think like a country girl.  And, I tried to explain that to the ruthless women in the group when they commented in similar fashion as the bitch pharmacy phone cop/person.

Given how much I led a sheltered life until I was 25 (thanks, Mom and Dad, for being so over protective), I obviously still don’t know how the big bad world operates.  Not being allowed to stay out past 11:00 and having the news shut off in my face has damaged me.  Therefore, it continually shocks me when certain things happen, or when I’m told something outrageous, such as why I was treated like a criminal on the phone yesterday, or why there is police presence everywhere these days.  Even in small grocery stores.

And finally, if I question something, don’t tell me I’m being overly dramatic.  I think my question was valid, since I obviously don’t know every store policy, or every law.

And finally, I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I’m just about done with everyone’s shit.

Don’t give me shit about something valid.  This will happen.

That said, I think I’m done with my rant.  Now I can finish my coffee, and go binge on The Magicians so I can watch the new season on Wednesday.

Good afternoon.


It Went Like This

Simple words
Do not misuse
Simple minds
They may confuse

Maybe tomorrow
Possibly today
What about next week
Nay or yay

Probably not
But you never know
Don’t start that crap
It could end with a row

Yes or no
It shouldn’t be tough
Make a decision
Be sure enough

I’m Going To Die Anyways

People kill me.

I understand the reasoning behind trying to live as clean as possible. But, it’s literally impossible to eliminate all toxins from daily living.

When you think of it, almost everything in our daily lives is toxic. Electricity is toxic. Our water is toxic, for fuck sake! Do you really think it’s safe to put fluoride into your body, via tap water? If you go by what Kevin Trudeau says, you practically need to live in a cave, away from civilization to live clean. Drink only rain water, and only if it’s thousands of miles from any major city. CHRIST! It’s absolutely ridiculous.

Avoiding GMO products and changing unhealthy habits like smoking is one thing. But telling me not to burn candles, or use anything on my skin that I can’t eat (excuse me?), or not to wear any clothing except for organic cotton borders insane.

What started out as a simple request for opinions on some nice smelling candles, has turned into eye rolling and major paranoia.

Apparently, candles are bad for you. More specifically, candles containing paraffin, and harmful chemicals, like LEAD. YIKES! Is there anything enjoyable in life that isn’t bad for you?

I refrained from getting into another heated argument with a stranger a little bit ago. It took a lot of restraint.

Is it 5 o’clock somewhere yet? Oh, wait. Alcohol is toxic to your liver…

No, I Said

I do not like
To relocate
Pain and suffering
I do equate

Heavy boxes
I hate to pack
Moving furniture
Breaks my back

It burns my wallet
Every time
Do they really think
I have a spare dime

Not to mention
It makes me edgy
Taking a toll
My nerves are sketchy

* * * * *

PS: I hate moving……….

Thank God I Switched

…my major in college… 25 years ago.

Now I know why computer specialists are paid so well. They’re put through hell in college.

Mind you, I switched to something just as brain rotting – mathematics – but I felt it was necessary for the sake of what little was left of my sanity, while pursuing something high in demand at the time – math teachers.

My poor daughter is a computer science major, and her head is quickly turning into something resembling a mushroom, overloaded with numbers and logic. Two classes have her crying almost every night. Apparently, according to upperclassmen, nearly half of the computer science majors at her particular university fail these courses [taught by a specific professor].

Next semester will be trying, but at least I can help her with her statistics class, and her father can help her with discreet math – a class which I won’t even touch with a ten foot pole, because it was almost the cause of a mental breakdown for me. Either the professor was a shit teacher, or logic truly does not exist in my head. After a third attempt, I simply opted for an incomplete, which determined my future of NOT becoming a math teacher.

A useless associates degree and 22 years later, I’ve decided to return to school for something which I should’ve done in the first place. It will be a little bit easier this time. I won’t have a mother breathing down my neck, spying on me to make sure I am even at school. Sorry, Mom. But you damaged me. RIP. I also have that degree behind me, which exempts me from general classes such as humanities, fine arts, and more classes in math.

Well, at least my daughter and I will be able to suffer brain rot together for a few semesters.

Road Games

They’re bloody dangerous. And anyone who plays them should have their license revoked.

Is the highway shuffle considered road rage?

The other night on the way back from my daughter’s college, we encountered an asshat in a pickup truck. We were in the right lane, behind a tractor trailer, slowly gaining speed. Fine. We simply needed to get in the center lane, where asshat was currently speeding up and slowing down each time we did. In other words, he was actively preventing us from getting over.

By the time we saw a window of opportunity, we hit the gas and proceeded to move over to pass the tractor trailer, scooting in front of asshat. But then he sped up as our front end was even with the tractor trailer, trying to force us into it, which would’ve ended badly. To top it off, when we finally got over, asshat continued his antics by riding our bumper, until he decided to pass us on the far left lane.

Once he was over and back in front of us, he slowed back down again. What a dick! By then, the tractor trailer caught onto his game and swung in front of him. So we went far left, hit the pedal to warp speed, and got the hell away from asshat. About eight or ten car lengths ahead, we looked in the rear view mirrors, and saw that he proceeded to screw with someone else.

I forgot to mention, as we passed, I low key gave asshat the one finger salute whilst ‘resting’ my arm against the window. LOSER!!!

I’ve never seen so many crappy drivers in my life as I have in the past seven years. People are insane. Especially around school buses. At least once a week, I hear a bus driver laying on the horn at people who disregard the lights and stop signs on the bus. It scares the shit out of me, and I have to instruct my son daily, reminding him of the rules of the road, and what to do before crossing. It’s bad when a 14 year old needs to be reminded that there are idiots on the road who might kill him if he doesn’t look both ways at least ten times.

Okay, rant over. Time for lunch, since my breakfast was ruined. RIP my accidentally frozen yogurt. And no. I don’t like it frozen.

How Is It Possible?

Last year, I managed VIP tickets. This year, regular tickets.

I can’t remember the last time I stressed so much over a ticket purchase. I think it was a couple of years ago, when I had trouble with Ed Sheeran tickets, and my daughter lost her mind when I could only get lawn seats – basically shit tickets.

At 4:00 pm local time, tickets for Dan and Phil’s upcoming ‘Interactive Introverts’ went on sale. Given the fact that they literally just announced this tour on Friday last week, people were scrambling for money, making sure their calendars are clear! Boys, if you ever run across this blog/entry, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO US?!?!?!

I sat at my computer for a good hour prior to sale time, refreshing my browser to make sure I stayed logged in to Ticketmaster – which sucks, by the way. Within one minute, VIP tickets were sold. I can’t believe how quickly other sections sold! Utter panic set in at 4:05, when I could no longer get floor seats. Luckily I got what I did, because as of 4:10, there was a site error, and I could not get any more tickets if I wanted to.

JESUS CHRIST, Ticketmaster! Get your SHIT together, and stop selling to scalpers!

Okay, I think I’m done having an aneurysm. It’s time to decompress with a double shot of ‘something something’.

Meanwhile, I sit here wondering how other sites suddenly have tickets to this event, with my soul as the price for the cheapest tickets, and my future grandchildren’s souls for better tickets. Seems pretty dubious to me. Even though Ticketmaster is a pain in the ass to deal with, it’s better to go through a trusted site, which is exactly what Dan and Phil stated in their live stream yesterday.

I need another drink.

Bull In A China Shop

Here comes a minor rant. But it’s kind of funny. Especially to those who might be in the same boat.

Who here has a clumsy spouse?

I really can’t have anything nice in the house. At least once a day, I hear “Son of a bitch” or “God damnit!” – followed by things being thrown or slammed around. There are days where I don’t even bother asking anymore. In fact, I just avoid the area altogether. I might walk into the kitchen of wrath, and get blamed for booby trapping everything.

And then there are days where I’m just as clumsy. For instance, when I was going to bed. Just inside the doorway of my room sat a vacuum cleaner, which I proceeded to break my little toe on at two in the morning. And the other day, when I got accused of alcohol abuse.

You see, I’m so short, I need to stand on stools to get anything from our kitchen cupboards. Including the bottle of Jack Daniels on the top shelf, where my husband hides it from me. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve dropped whilst playing catch in the middle of pulling items forward with a spatula. All I know is, it’s time to replace three broken shot glasses.

There is no such thing as gingerly in my family. Hence why I don’t buy fragile things anymore.

Have I mentioned my tendency to zap electronics? In the eight years I worked in a photo developing lab, I managed to short out two motherboards on some of the machinery. I’m lucky I still have a heart, and tend to wonder if some of my irregular heartbeats are due to how often I’ve gotten electrocuted on things – even on running water in the bathroom sink.