Dear Mother Nature:

WHAT the actual f*ck???  Why you always gotta wreak havoc on women’s bladders?  Especially the hyster sisters.  It’s annoying when we have to visit the porcelain God every half hour.  And then when we decide to actually hydrate ourselves?  Forget it!  Leaving the house is a no-go!

Sneezing and coughing?

That gif should be left huge, because our ‘God dammit’ certainly isn’t small when we’re doing the ‘dance’ all the way to the bathroom.  Then we’re in SUCH a hurry that we forget to lift the lid.  And when we furiously rip our pants down, our junk is suddenly subjected to a rude awakening.

If the toilet paper is the wrong way, it’s all over, and others in the house suffer our wrath.

Don’t even try to say bladder mesh, because that shit will f*ck your insides up six ways to Sunday, and then lawsuit commercials bombard our entertainment, making us even more pissed off because we can’t watch ANYTHING without interruptions every 10 GODDAMN MINUTES!

Wear a pad, you say?  Well, I thought the whole purpose of getting our baby factories out was to stop wearing those obnoxious ammonia receptacles!

Happy Bag Day

Oops. I did it again. No Britney Spears pun intended. I’m just being an asshole.

I can’t stand Valentine’s Day. Especially right now, as I’m sitting here stewing over something I’ve been ignoring. But I won’t get into that. It’s personal.

So, shall we talk about porn, and how wrong it is to even think about other people that way if you’re in a committed relationship? I’m not sorry, but if you truly love someone, then you shouldn’t need to look at porn. Or even think about it.

I hope I’m waking all the suspicious (and guilty) minds out there. This problem needs to be addressed. And if you’re guilty of viewing porn, then you’re obviously not ready for a commitment. You may think you are. But you’re not, and any relationship you enter into, will end badly sooner or later.

There’s no if’s and’s or but’s about it. It’s disrespectful to not only the one you’re secretly hurting, but also to the person(s) you’re busy getting off to. It’s fucking creepy, tbh.

Now excuse me as I go watch out the window for my flowers.

Have a nice fucking day – literally.

Cat And Mouse

Snapchat is awesome. It knows people on a personal level. Whoever creates all the Bitmoji stickers has obviously experienced every emotion there is to experience.

But that’s not why I’m writing this. I just need to finish venting.

I’m either pms’ing, pre-menopausal, lacking/missing something, completely done, or all of the above. It’s just a good thing there’s nothing breakable within close reach. I might have grabbed it and lobbed it through a window a little bit ago.

It takes a lot for me to reach a point. I don’t like being pushed to that point. It rarely happens, so I think I deserve a rant – without any explanation.

It’s also a good thing my husband wasn’t around to see me lose my temper. He would’ve demanded to know what the hell my problem is today. And I’m not ready to talk about that. Not until the dust clears. And I’m not exactly sure when that’ll happen, which adds fuel to my currently massive fire.

Do I sound like I’m pms’ing? I wish it were that easy. Maybe I’m just a lonely housewife who needs some fresh air and a healthy body.

Snapchat stickers can sum up my mood today.

I went from

early in the day after checking my email (something I do at least 10 times a day lately). So, I went back to sleep, because I didn’t want to think.

Then this happened when I got up.

And by the time my husband called on his lunch, and I mentioned a concert coming up, and he said “We’ll see” … this happened

And I was like whatever and nevermind. And when he got aggravated, this happened.

After some of the emotions passed, it was time for hubby to call on his way home from work. And then I was back to this.

Which did absolutely nothing, except make me more miserable.

Then it was dinner time. My choice. Since I’m sick of dieting, I said fuck it, and asked if we could have chicken fingers and fries. That seemed agreeable with hubby, and dinner was decent.

But then he went out to the store for a few things, and stupid me, I had to check something online. And this happened.

And I slammed a fist down on the table, which really hurt my hand, and now I’m currently back to this

and this

And since there’s nothing to drink, I’m currently gnawing on crackers, even though I’m not hungry BECAUSE I JUST BLOODY ATE DINNER!!!

Okay, I think I’m done. And I think I need to avoid the internet for a while, with the exception of my blog.

Is it bed time yet?

Thanks Twitter!

So I go over to my Twitter account, and I see #FatTuesday in the trends for you column.

I know I’m fat.  No need to remind me with pictures of donuts and other things I can never eat again.

Meanwhile, as I browse the offensive tag (you get my sarcasm?), I do agree with one thing in the tag.  Those who receive food stamps should not be allowed to purchase anything unhealthy.  Or steaks, or anything else luxurious.  Buy some damn fruits and vegetables!

If I have to suffer – and I don’t receive any benefits! – then so should the freeloaders.

Sorry.  I still haven’t had my second cup of coffee.  And I think I’m pms’ing.  Thank God it’s only my ovaries.  I think I’d throw in the towel if I still had a uterus.

See a trend here?  I dreamed about pizza.  Yes.  I’m craving pizza.  I’m definitely pms’ing.  And Mr. Daniels has been dry for 2 days now.  Can I cry yet?  I think I deserve it.

PS:  Isn’t Tuesday supposed to be TACO TUESDAY???

I Need Another Mask

The one I have is worn out. People (mainly my husband) are starting to see through it.

How else does one cope with constant disappointment? I know, life is nothing but disappointments. My former doctor in New York would tell me to suck it up. Meanie. But doc, I can only suck so much, before it turns pornographic!

I apologize for nothing.  I just had to throw in my dirty mind.

Could I maybe conjure a spell or something similar, to protect myself from constant letdown?  Depression is exhausting enough.  Adding insult to injury just sucks gigantic elephant balls, and I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of hoping, wanting, wishing, and dreaming.  It’s all bullshit, because in some past life, I must have done something horrific, and now I’m paying for my sins.  It’s as simple as that.  Someone, somewhere, does not want me happy.  Or healthy, for that matter.

I guess all I can say is ‘oh well’.  I’ve had a few years of fun.  The party is over.  Back to reality, being poor, and bored with nothing to do except rot in my recliner, staring out a window.

Depression sucks.  And this is one of those days.  I’ll be fine.  Promise.

No More Carpets

I just love being attacked for trying to raise awareness about a serious situation.

For as long as I can remember, sexual harassment is all too often swept under the carpet. In the work place, women are blamed for dressing inappropriately, or speaking suggestively with their mannerisms. In schools, young women are victimized by not only their perpetrators, but also by the general public in defense of their perpetrators. They are scrutinized to the point of shame.

It needs to stop.

As a victim of harassment, I wish to warn the general public. And, in light of Betsy DeVos’ damaging ‘efforts’, I just want to say thank you – for putting millions of women at risk. Thanks to you, Ms. DeVos, a loved one is now a victim as well, and we are fairly certain nothing will be done, unless we file official charges with the local police department.

What Betsy DeVos has done basically gives men the false notion that it’s OK to stalk and verbally harass women.

I close with a cry for help, to devise a new strategy in keeping women safe in school, college, and in the work place.

Too Soon?

In light of the recent ridiculous Tide pod challenge, I just can’t help my twisted sense of humor. I posted jokes in two places on social media today, and I’ve already gotten one very scathing message in my private inbox from an obviously fake profile.

Get a grip.

Does it really shock people when others make hilarious memes and horrible jokes about others’ misfortune? I mean let’s face it. Most people laugh at the expense of others in some way or another. People are the butt of jokes. I should know. I’ve endured it all of my life so far. Hell, I even got a Christmas card recently poking fun at something from my past. For a few seconds, I was like son of a bitch. But then I laughed it off as I put the card through my paper shredder.

But I digress. If you can’t laugh at life, why live? I take that back, because people might twist my words, thinking I’m encouraging some awful alternative to living.

Laugh a little, folks. Yes, terrible things happen. No, people aren’t going to stop making jokes about those things. As I say with other things that easily offend certain people, keep scrolling.

Good morning, and have a nice day.

PS: I just can’t help tagging ‘Food and Drink’. Bite me.

To Vlog Or Not To Vlog

I have a major idea for vlogging.  But, in light of recent YouTube and AdSense restrictions, I’m very hesitant.  Maybe I’ll start small, and progress to a fan sponsored site – if it ever gets to that point.  We will see.  I’m still on the fence for one main reason – which I cannot share here … or anywhere online … EVER.  But, I digress.

There is so much pressure to make virtually everything PC, sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth venturing down the road to internet fame – or even fame, period.  Not that being famous is on my list of priorities.  Aside from the financial aspect, being famous can be a horrific experience.  Also, I’m not on par with ‘popular’ opinion, unfortunately, and I realize that could hurt any possibility of making extra money via the public eye.

Even more so, I’m afraid to even get a regular job these days.  I’ll need to pre-train my brain well beforehand, so that my mouth doesn’t get me fired and/or sued for anything construed as hate, racism, sexism, etcetera.  Not that I’m a hater.  But let’s face it.  You look at someone wrong these days, or even smile (it seems), and you are sued for something.

And that’s my rant for the day!  I’m off for a nice hour of relaxation – and a much needed adjustment.

Bye Felicia

Here comes a personal rant.  So, if you don’t want to see it, keep scrolling.

First, a little back story, which goes back a few years, starting with yesterday.

Let me start by saying our health care system sucks.  So bad, that it has been increasingly difficult to obtain medications.  Even maintenance meds.  Yesterday, we needed a script filled, only to find out that our ass backwards new insurance requires us to fill everything via mail order – if we want generic, and our 90 day supply.

Otherwise, if we fill at a retail pharmacy, the insurance doesn’t cover generic.  EXSQUEEZE ME???  First of all, shipping costs.  It doesn’t save money.  Second of all, the extra employees needed to run those mail order pharmacies…  I’m not educated in economics, but this just doesn’t make any sense to me at all.  If you ask me, it’s our government at work, screwing the little people.

Anyway, above said script needs to be filled with the brand name.  OK.  No problem.  That’ll be $200 please.  No problem.  We have that covered.  Except it’s not in stock.  Give me the script.  I’ll call around.  It’s too cold to run around in weather that makes my nipples fall off.

First and second phone call to local pharmacies: “Sorry, we don’t have it in stock”.  Damn.  Thanks.  Next pharmacy.

Next phone call:  In a less than civil tone of voice “We can’t give that information over the phone” … click.   Well f*ck you too, bitch.

So what do I do?  I get on a social media group to ask why this happened, and why I was treated so badly on the phone.  Apparently, pharmacies are not supposed to give stock information about certain medications.  It leaves them open to robbery.  Well shit.  I never thought of that.  Why would I even think that way?

After living in the city for nearly eight years, I still think like a country girl.  And, I tried to explain that to the ruthless women in the group when they commented in similar fashion as the bitch pharmacy phone cop/person.

Given how much I led a sheltered life until I was 25 (thanks, Mom and Dad, for being so over protective), I obviously still don’t know how the big bad world operates.  Not being allowed to stay out past 11:00 and having the news shut off in my face has damaged me.  Therefore, it continually shocks me when certain things happen, or when I’m told something outrageous, such as why I was treated like a criminal on the phone yesterday, or why there is police presence everywhere these days.  Even in small grocery stores.

And finally, if I question something, don’t tell me I’m being overly dramatic.  I think my question was valid, since I obviously don’t know every store policy, or every law.

And finally, I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I’m just about done with everyone’s shit.

Don’t give me shit about something valid.  This will happen.

That said, I think I’m done with my rant.  Now I can finish my coffee, and go binge on The Magicians so I can watch the new season on Wednesday.

Good afternoon.


It Went Like This

Simple words
Do not misuse
Simple minds
They may confuse

Maybe tomorrow
Possibly today
What about next week
Nay or yay

Probably not
But you never know
Don’t start that crap
It could end with a row

Yes or no
It shouldn’t be tough
Make a decision
Be sure enough