Feed Us, Pigeon Daddy

So instead of the usual April fool’s DanAndPhilCrafts video, we got a 5-hour pigeonfest YouNow livestream – outside, on the balcony.  And I will never get those hours back.  YET, me and my daughter sat here, listening closely as if our lives depended on it, and watching the chat blow up.


…because we all know they weren’t just sitting inside the entire time doing nothing…

 

Most of the stream was this…

pigeonfest3

with occasional actual pigeonspigeonfest2

For 5 solid hours, the phandom waited and listened intently for anything unusual, commenting the usual ‘lady door’, and ‘hey buddy you in London?’ in between ‘feed us, pigeon Daddy’, and ‘BIRB’ whenever a pigeon decided to grace us with its presence.

Every hour on the hour we were treated to the squeal of a sliding balcony door, followed by a pale hand, pouring a little bit of seed into the bird feeder on the floor.  Everyone knew it was Phil, based on what we know his hands look like.

Give us your seed, pigeon Daddy!

pigeonfest1

A lot of ‘guess the crime’ was filling the chat, as we heard sirens at least every 20 minutes.  Other sounds included typical city sounds – people shouting in the distance, traffic, construction, and jazzy saxophone music.  The music was amazing, but it ended before the final last hour stretch.

In between all of that, we got a cryptic wall light flicker, which everyone assumed was morse code.  But I truly believe it was just Dan, screwing with us.

In the end, everyone assumed the feed was just going to end abruptly.  But everyone was still hoping for something.  ANYTHING.  What we didn’t expect was this.

pigeonfest4

…which freaked me out because it was huge and right up in the camera lens at first.  Then, when Phil started making “CAW!” noises, we were all like REALLY?  And I was yelling NO NO NO NO NO in the chat, because I do NOT like large birds.  In fact, the only birds I like are little domesticated parakeets that won’t peck out my eyeballs.

Thanks, boys.  Until next April 1st…

PS: I’m not a typical dramatic phan.  I’m a mum who loves these two cute dorks, and enjoys their humor.  So, there’s your explanation for my lame entry.

Prison Party Howell

Last night sucked as far as sleep is concerned.

I got my usual couple of hours when I fell asleep in my recliner last night, and for some reason, I dreamed of hoarding Chapstick.  I think my mom was in my dream, and she was along for a ride with Kevin and I.  I told him to stop the car because I needed to just hop out and get a few things at the store, where everything was $5 or less.

When I got inside, there was a massive sale going on, but I was focused on the display of Chapstick on one of the end caps.  I remember gasping, and all the customers turning to judge me when I started grabbing 10 of each of my favorite flavors.


They’re only available for a few months during the year, and I seem to have chapped lips all year, and someone keeps taking my favorite ones, or they disappear to who the hell knows where and OH MY GOD I think I figured out how to shrink pictures and gifs!!!!!

Except that one was already small

But then I woke up to thirst.  And the reason I knew I was thirsty because in my dream, I started opening bottles of Gatorade at the checkout line to drink them as fast as I could before the cashier got to scan the bottles.

Have you ever crawled into bed, just to fucking wake up for the next 4 hours?  And then when you finally get drowsy enough to fall asleep, something happens?

Right when I started to doze off, I heard a noise, and my eyeballs immediately flew open, because when Kevin is at work, I sleep light.


Reasons.  Anyways, I heard something that sounded like scratching, and it turned out the motor in my nightstand fan was dying a very quick death, and the sound of squealing bearings became unbearable – so to speak – so I had to shut it off.  Then I was without part of my white noise.  But thank God my obnoxious air filter still works.

It still didn’t give me enough air.  So I had to get up to flick on the ceiling fan, and of course the light part was on, but the fan was off.  Here’s a visual for you – me standing on my bed to reach the damn chains to get things correct so I can sleep.  Did I mention that the other fan died in the middle of me having a hot flash?  Yeah.  That went over well.

But there’s more!
OMG I LOVE Richard Dean Anderson ! 😍

After a few minutes of an agonizing sciatica attack, I was finally able to drift back into dreamland for a couple more hours, only to find myself in some weird outdoor prison, where there was a constant party, and people were riding around in golf carts as they worked off their time.

This guy was in charge of making sure everyone was happy and socializing in such ‘horrendous’ conditions.

Hi, son. ❤️

It was summer, and music was playing, and there was a BBQ happening in the middle of this weird ass prison party.  And for the record, Dan doesn’t like human interaction, unless it’s Phil.
That’s illegal territory, Phil. 😎

Anyways, the rest of my weird ass prison party dream involved running into some old classmates, who decided we needed to do some challenges to liven up the party.  But Dan got to pick the challenges, and some participants were so embarrassed, that they were dismissed from prison.

The only reason I got up is because my subconscious poked me, and said it was time for a VP run on Toontownrewritten.  But when I got up, brewed my coffee, and turned on the computer, I realized I didn’t have any merits on any of my VP-ready toons.  So, I decided to hop over here, and document my whacked dreams before I forget them.

And now I’ll continue my day feeling like this.

I don’t know what the hell this is from, but it’s creepy af, and giphy just scar(r)ed me.

Maybe a little Toontown will help.

I love when I find cute little clans like this!

I’ll PEE On You!

Y’all would be proud of me. Well, at least my closest friends and family would.

I actually left my house today. Here’s an even bigger shocker. It was for holiday shopping. OH MY GOD! Check Cara for a fever. My best friend would certainly be checking me. I’m such an evil grinch, that I threaten my husband whenever he turns Christmas music on before Thanksgiving Day. And now, between him, my daughter, and a few of my Facebook friends, it has become a regular joke to piss me off as soon as school starts.

Considering my moderate germophobia, I tend to avoid shopping at all costs. Last year, most of my shopping was online. Taking the alarming spike in crime where I live into account, I won’t risk having packages stolen from my front door. So, between getting myself a P.O. box and shopping, I think I just might do okay – unless we have ice storms.

Three years ago, I did a nice little stunt in a parking lot when I was getting out of my vehicle – twice. Had any rando seen me, they might’ve thought I was attempting ice dancing, or some weird shit to get attention. After being yelled at numerous times by my husband, I haven’t left my house much since then. Even in good weather, because apparently, I’ve forgotten how to even walk without tripping on my own two feet.

But back to shopping earlier today. I woke up, debated for an hour or so whilst attempting to go back to sleep, and finally gave up. I threw my hair into a pony tail, covered my half-assed job with a baseball cap, got dressed, and took off for the Salvation Army. Now, before you judge, I love going there for CDs and occasional treasures which people accidentally get rid of, not knowing the worth of what they just gave away for free. I also like to find comfortable t-shirts for wearing around the house.

Since Wednesdays are 50% off all clothing, I had to take a look through some t-shirts before I continued my day in other stores. Until …

There were literally at least three people in every aisle of the damn store! I don’t usually complain about people being too close – if it’s someone I know, or I’m at least familiar with them. But in a place like Salvation Army (someone I know calls it SLIME-ATION Army), you never know who is touching things, or what plague they might have. Excuse me, but no thanks. Get away from me. I’ll pee on you if you come too close.

Yep, I’m that person. No offense, folks. I just have a problem with germs and claustrophobia. Our Salvation Army is large, but it is crammed with long rows of clothing, with very little space for people to walk through. It’s uncomfortable AF, and I probably will not return on family day. I might throat punch someone if they get too close.

Meanwhile, today wasn’t a complete waste. I managed to accomplish what I set out to do.

Cringe Worthy

Try new things
They said for fun
You never know
What can be done

Gluing glitter
Painted hands
Soft and neat
A possible brand

Baking challenge
Minor mess
Slapping skin
What a success

Pastel clothing
Flower crowns
Calendar doggos
Everyone simmer down

Spooky week passed
PINOF nears
Guess what’s in store
Prepare for tears

Gaming’mas two
Will surely follow
Many surprises
You’ll definitely wallow

I’m deep in the pit
Of the trashiest can
Someone throw a rope
To this middle-aged fan

This originally
Started as a rant
About my life’s
What-if’s and I can’t-s

Instead of complaining
I wrote something witty
About Dan and Phil
Sorry if it’s shitty

 

 

A/N: I truly hope D&P don’t EVER run across this. If they do – SORRY!

Never Too Late

“What’s for dinner, angel bean?” the brunette asks his older ebony-haired best friend as he wanders into the kitchen.  He’s still bleary-eyed and groggy after a long, yet much needed nap. But not for long.  Editing is exhausting, you know!  If only he knew the younger thinks as he smiles fondly, gazing into a pair of wide cerulean orbs.  “It’s a surprise!” the older winks mischievously, stirring something delicious in a large pan.

Instant butterflies spring to life, tickling the innards of the brunette.  “What’s the occasion?” he asks, standing as close as possible to his best friend without making it too obvious.  “I just wanted to do something nice for you, Bear” the older turns to face his best friend, blowing on the ingredients in the wooden spoon, before saying “Open wide for Daddy”.  His tongue pokes out sideways between his teeth as he giggles.  He loves getting a rise out of his best friend.

A deep crimson flush appears across the brunette’s chest, quickly creeping up into his face.  “Shut up” he giggles back, gladly accepting a generous mouthful of stir-fry. “MMMMMMM!” he accidentally moans – something he’s notorious for whenever he eats something good.  WHOOPS!  But the older doesn’t mind one bit.  He knows it’s a gesture of appreciation for his cooking skills – no matter how clumsy he is, and how messy he leaves the kitchen.

“It’s good, yeah?” the older asks, taking the pan off the hob.  “MmmHMM” the brunette swallows the food with a bit of excited struggle.  Daddy.  More butterflies.  “Any special plans after dinner?” he asks the older.  “Not really.  Do you have something in mind?” he asks, serving up portions for both of them, setting the plates on the breakfast island.  “I was thinking maybe some anime” the younger sits, thinking about how he just wants to be close to his best friend.

Neither are opposed to an occasional platonic cuddle under a warm fluffy blanket on a cold fall evening. Many a late night have been spent falling asleep in the sofa crease, sometimes into the early morning hours. All too often, the older is first to wake, quietly enjoying the angelic, yet sexy features on his best friend’s alabaster face. He constantly resists reaching out to stroke his cheek.  His heart instantly flutters at the thought.  “Sounds good to me” he smiles warmly, tucking in.

“Yuri On Ice?” the younger asks as they settle onto the sofa after dinner.  The older nods enthusiastically, getting the blanket ready.  Now that they’re both well fed and relaxed from adult beverages, they look forward to a quiet evening together, free of any phone calls, filming, and editing.

“Ready?” the younger asks before pressing play on the remote.  “As I’ll ever be” the older responds, scooting in closer to maximize blanket coverage – and contact.  “Comfortable?” the younger turns to his best friend, who nods with a smile brighter than sunshine.  Neither can help their insides from twisting with nerves.

Episode after episode, the two men become more and more drowsy, drifting in and out of light sleep, until the finale.  Both wake at the same moment, when Yuri and Viktor are dancing on the ice.  An exchange of on screen close-up facial caresses and hand holding between the two skaters have both men’s hearts beating wildly out of control.  Neither can keep it in any longer.

“I guess we kind of fell asleep” the younger turns to his best friend, not daring to move from his arm, which somehow wrapped itself around his waist over the course of a few hours.  “Yeah” the older man’s voice is husky with need.

As the final credits roll on the television, both men have long forgotten about Yuri On Ice.  They are now transfixed within each other’s gaze, inching closer ever so slowly, to finally connect their lips.

 

 

 

 

Original fan fiction created by Cara Krzyzanowski, 1 November 2017