I’ll PEE On You!

Y’all would be proud of me. Well, at least my closest friends and family would.

I actually left my house today. Here’s an even bigger shocker. It was for holiday shopping. OH MY GOD! Check Cara for a fever. My best friend would certainly be checking me. I’m such an evil grinch, that I threaten my husband whenever he turns Christmas music on before Thanksgiving Day. And now, between him, my daughter, and a few of my Facebook friends, it has become a regular joke to piss me off as soon as school starts.

Considering my moderate germophobia, I tend to avoid shopping at all costs. Last year, most of my shopping was online. Taking the alarming spike in crime where I live into account, I won’t risk having packages stolen from my front door. So, between getting myself a P.O. box and shopping, I think I just might do okay – unless we have ice storms.

Three years ago, I did a nice little stunt in a parking lot when I was getting out of my vehicle – twice. Had any rando seen me, they might’ve thought I was attempting ice dancing, or some weird shit to get attention. After being yelled at numerous times by my husband, I haven’t left my house much since then. Even in good weather, because apparently, I’ve forgotten how to even walk without tripping on my own two feet.

But back to shopping earlier today. I woke up, debated for an hour or so whilst attempting to go back to sleep, and finally gave up. I threw my hair into a pony tail, covered my half-assed job with a baseball cap, got dressed, and took off for the Salvation Army. Now, before you judge, I love going there for CDs and occasional treasures which people accidentally get rid of, not knowing the worth of what they just gave away for free. I also like to find comfortable t-shirts for wearing around the house.

Since Wednesdays are 50% off all clothing, I had to take a look through some t-shirts before I continued my day in other stores. Until …

There were literally at least three people in every aisle of the damn store! I don’t usually complain about people being too close – if it’s someone I know, or I’m at least familiar with them. But in a place like Salvation Army (someone I know calls it SLIME-ATION Army), you never know who is touching things, or what plague they might have. Excuse me, but no thanks. Get away from me. I’ll pee on you if you come too close.

Yep, I’m that person. No offense, folks. I just have a problem with germs and claustrophobia. Our Salvation Army is large, but it is crammed with long rows of clothing, with very little space for people to walk through. It’s uncomfortable AF, and I probably will not return on family day. I might throat punch someone if they get too close.

Meanwhile, today wasn’t a complete waste. I managed to accomplish what I set out to do.

Cringe Worthy

Try new things
They said for fun
You never know
What can be done

Gluing glitter
Painted hands
Soft and neat
A possible brand

Baking challenge
Minor mess
Slapping skin
What a success

Pastel clothing
Flower crowns
Calendar doggos
Everyone simmer down

Spooky week passed
PINOF nears
Guess what’s in store
Prepare for tears

Gaming’mas two
Will surely follow
Many surprises
You’ll definitely wallow

I’m deep in the pit
Of the trashiest can
Someone throw a rope
To this middle-aged fan

This originally
Started as a rant
About my life’s
What-if’s and I can’t-s

Instead of complaining
I wrote something witty
About Dan and Phil
Sorry if it’s shitty

 

 

A/N: I truly hope D&P don’t EVER run across this. If they do – SORRY!

Never Too Late

“What’s for dinner, angel bean?” the brunette asks his older ebony-haired best friend as he wanders into the kitchen.  He’s still bleary-eyed and groggy after a long, yet much needed nap. But not for long.  Editing is exhausting, you know!  If only he knew the younger thinks as he smiles fondly, gazing into a pair of wide cerulean orbs.  “It’s a surprise!” the older winks mischievously, stirring something delicious in a large pan.

Instant butterflies spring to life, tickling the innards of the brunette.  “What’s the occasion?” he asks, standing as close as possible to his best friend without making it too obvious.  “I just wanted to do something nice for you, Bear” the older turns to face his best friend, blowing on the ingredients in the wooden spoon, before saying “Open wide for Daddy”.  His tongue pokes out sideways between his teeth as he giggles.  He loves getting a rise out of his best friend.

A deep crimson flush appears across the brunette’s chest, quickly creeping up into his face.  “Shut up” he giggles back, gladly accepting a generous mouthful of stir-fry. “MMMMMMM!” he accidentally moans – something he’s notorious for whenever he eats something good.  WHOOPS!  But the older doesn’t mind one bit.  He knows it’s a gesture of appreciation for his cooking skills – no matter how clumsy he is, and how messy he leaves the kitchen.

“It’s good, yeah?” the older asks, taking the pan off the hob.  “MmmHMM” the brunette swallows the food with a bit of excited struggle.  Daddy.  More butterflies.  “Any special plans after dinner?” he asks the older.  “Not really.  Do you have something in mind?” he asks, serving up portions for both of them, setting the plates on the breakfast island.  “I was thinking maybe some anime” the younger sits, thinking about how he just wants to be close to his best friend.

Neither are opposed to an occasional platonic cuddle under a warm fluffy blanket on a cold fall evening. Many a late night have been spent falling asleep in the sofa crease, sometimes into the early morning hours. All too often, the older is first to wake, quietly enjoying the angelic, yet sexy features on his best friend’s alabaster face. He constantly resists reaching out to stroke his cheek.  His heart instantly flutters at the thought.  “Sounds good to me” he smiles warmly, tucking in.

“Yuri On Ice?” the younger asks as they settle onto the sofa after dinner.  The older nods enthusiastically, getting the blanket ready.  Now that they’re both well fed and relaxed from adult beverages, they look forward to a quiet evening together, free of any phone calls, filming, and editing.

“Ready?” the younger asks before pressing play on the remote.  “As I’ll ever be” the older responds, scooting in closer to maximize blanket coverage – and contact.  “Comfortable?” the younger turns to his best friend, who nods with a smile brighter than sunshine.  Neither can help their insides from twisting with nerves.

Episode after episode, the two men become more and more drowsy, drifting in and out of light sleep, until the finale.  Both wake at the same moment, when Yuri and Viktor are dancing on the ice.  An exchange of on screen close-up facial caresses and hand holding between the two skaters have both men’s hearts beating wildly out of control.  Neither can keep it in any longer.

“I guess we kind of fell asleep” the younger turns to his best friend, not daring to move from his arm, which somehow wrapped itself around his waist over the course of a few hours.  “Yeah” the older man’s voice is husky with need.

As the final credits roll on the television, both men have long forgotten about Yuri On Ice.  They are now transfixed within each other’s gaze, inching closer ever so slowly, to finally connect their lips.

 

 

 

 

Original fan fiction created by Cara Krzyzanowski, 1 November 2017

This Isn’t Easy

Some folks may not know, but October 10th was world mental health day.

I didn’t really think much about it, until one of my favorite YouTube personalities uploaded a video.

Now first of all, let me just say, I’m usually prepared for a laugh and a bunch of “AAAWWW”s when I sit to watch this young man.  He and his flatmate are my literal sunshine for the past year or so.

But nothing prepared me for the deep seated, repressed emotions (and an ocean of tears) that came rushing to my surface as I sat here listening to his story about depression.

He absolutely nailed it.

It’s difficult to describe to a person who isn’t depressed what it feels like.

To put it into perspective, it feels like being trapped within your own dark, empty head.  You don’t feel like doing anything, even though there are things you want to do.  So, you sit in a chair, arguing with yourself about whether or not it’s worth getting dressed to go out for that coffee you so desperately need to even be functional.  And then when you finally decide screw it, I’m staying home, then you feel worse.  The day is over – at 11 a.m. – because that’s when you finally dragged yourself out of bed.

There’s a mask that depressed people often wear.  When they finally decide to leave the comfort of their homes for whatever reason (usually because they have no choice), they do it with a forced smile and bubbly voice.  But sometimes that mask isn’t enough.  To be quite honest, they’d rather be cloaked, hidden from judgemental eyes and minds.

And finally, when anxiety accompanies depression, life is absolutely torturous.

Not only do you sit and stare at four walls, wondering why you’re like this, but the what-if’s begin to stab at your brain, agitating your last nerve with a glowing red pitchfork.

It’s exhausting.

So, please.  Keep these things in mind when approaching anyone on any given day.  Think of them, and ask yourself if they’re okay.  Then ask them how they are.  Offer to just sit and chat with them.  Even though they’ll most likely say “I’m fine”, and politely decline your offer, the gesture alone will mean the world to them, and it will lift them up a LOT.

 

 

 

RIP Headphone Users

Currently, I’m working on material for a YouTube channel – something I’ve been meaning to do for a few months.

I have the general idea.  I just need to refine what I’m going to vlog.

But be warned.  I literally have lost half of my hearing over the years.  As a result, I’m obnoxiously loud without realizing it.

My poor husband.  Can’t take me anywhere.

Imagine a female version of Dan Howell.  If you don’t know who that is, just search YouTube for ‘Dan Howell Screaming’.

Or watch him play this…

Well, I’m not really a screamer, except when someone throws a spider at me, or one other situation.  But I won’t talk about that second thing. 😛

I’m Still A Slacker

Hey guys.

So the plague is making another round in my house.  We’ve gone through so much Kleenex, we may as well own stock in the company!  Next will be Vaseline, because my nose is cracked from wiping and blowing it so much.  If it weren’t for the fact that I’m paranoid someone will snap a picture and plaster it on Facebook, I would just wad up a few chunks of the crap, and leave them shoved up my nostrils for an hour at a time.

Meanwhile, I’m so bored out of my skull, I don’t know which website to visit anymore.  I’ve literally become an internet hobo.  Thanks, Dan.  I’m a 46 year old cougar stay at home mother with not a whole lot to do while debating about which gig I want to take.

Who is Dan?  I’m not telling.  Let’s just say he’s a cute gentle giant with sass and curls – who happens to be loved by millions of phangirls.  He and his flatmate have got my creative juices flowing, and I’ve literally cranked out 16 fanfictions within the last few months.  BAD cougar.  BAD!

I told you … I’m bored.

I still love blogging, and really want to try out vlogging.  But I don’t know where to start, and I’m afraid my camera lens might crack, or the internet will crash, or Samara will come out of the computer screen at me and swallow me whole for doing something mainly 20 and 30 somethings do.

I need some motivation.  Any suggestions?

Maybe I need to finish designing my site.

Until then…