This Isn’t Easy

Some folks may not know, but October 10th was world mental health day.

I didn’t really think much about it, until one of my favorite YouTube personalities uploaded a video.

Now first of all, let me just say, I’m usually prepared for a laugh and a bunch of “AAAWWW”s when I sit to watch this young man.  He and his flatmate are my literal sunshine for the past year or so.

But nothing prepared me for the deep seated, repressed emotions (and an ocean of tears) that came rushing to my surface as I sat here listening to his story about depression.

He absolutely nailed it.

It’s difficult to describe to a person who isn’t depressed what it feels like.

To put it into perspective, it feels like being trapped within your own dark, empty head.  You don’t feel like doing anything, even though there are things you want to do.  So, you sit in a chair, arguing with yourself about whether or not it’s worth getting dressed to go out for that coffee you so desperately need to even be functional.  And then when you finally decide screw it, I’m staying home, then you feel worse.  The day is over – at 11 a.m. – because that’s when you finally dragged yourself out of bed.

There’s a mask that depressed people often wear.  When they finally decide to leave the comfort of their homes for whatever reason (usually because they have no choice), they do it with a forced smile and bubbly voice.  But sometimes that mask isn’t enough.  To be quite honest, they’d rather be cloaked, hidden from judgemental eyes and minds.

And finally, when anxiety accompanies depression, life is absolutely torturous.

Not only do you sit and stare at four walls, wondering why you’re like this, but the what-if’s begin to stab at your brain, agitating your last nerve with a glowing red pitchfork.

It’s exhausting.

So, please.  Keep these things in mind when approaching anyone on any given day.  Think of them, and ask yourself if they’re okay.  Then ask them how they are.  Offer to just sit and chat with them.  Even though they’ll most likely say “I’m fine”, and politely decline your offer, the gesture alone will mean the world to them, and it will lift them up a LOT.




RIP Headphone Users

Currently, I’m working on material for a YouTube channel – something I’ve been meaning to do for a few months.

I have the general idea.  I just need to refine what I’m going to vlog.

But be warned.  I literally have lost half of my hearing over the years.  As a result, I’m obnoxiously loud without realizing it.

My poor husband.  Can’t take me anywhere.

Imagine a female version of Dan Howell.  If you don’t know who that is…


…well, I’m not really a screamer, except when someone throws a spider at me, or one other situation.  But I won’t talk about that second thing. 😛

I’m Still A Slacker

Hey guys.

So the plague is making another round in my house.  We’ve gone through so much Kleenex, we may as well own stock in the company!  Next will be Vaseline, because my nose is cracked from wiping and blowing it so much.  If it weren’t for the fact that I’m paranoid someone will snap a picture and plaster it on Facebook, I would just wad up a few chunks of the crap, and leave them shoved up my nostrils for an hour at a time.

Meanwhile, I’m so bored out of my skull, I don’t know which website to visit anymore.  I’ve literally become an internet hobo.  Thanks, Dan.  I’m a 46 year old cougar stay at home mother with not a whole lot to do while debating about which gig I want to take.

Who is Dan?  I’m not telling.  Let’s just say he’s a cute gentle giant with sass and curls – who happens to be loved by millions of phangirls.  He and his flatmate have got my creative juices flowing, and I’ve literally cranked out 16 fanfictions within the last few months.  BAD cougar.  BAD!

I told you … I’m bored.

I still love blogging, and really want to try out vlogging.  But I don’t know where to start, and I’m afraid my camera lens might crack, or the internet will crash, or Samara will come out of the computer screen at me and swallow me whole for doing something mainly 20 and 30 somethings do.

I need some motivation.  Any suggestions?

Maybe I need to finish designing my site.

Until then…