Mr. Sandman

…do NOT bring me a dream…

At least not for a few days.  This sleep deprived mama’s brain needs a break from the terrible dreams.

This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but for some reason (my luck, maybe?), it never saved.  So I’m starting over.  It needs to be out there, especially since I removed my FB post about it.  Why?  Long story short, I repeatedly say the wrong things on social media.  More specifically FB.  And I’ll leave it at that.

The dream I had the night before last had me in such a terrible state, I almost called for an appointment.  I guess a professional might say I’m still grieving the loss of my parents – mom in 2011, and dad in 2014.  The latter was sudden, and very traumatic for me and my older brothers.

Since my dad’s passing, I’ve had frequent dreams about deceased loved ones.  But when they’re in my dreams, there are usually just one or two making separate appearances.

The most recent dream, however, left me such a mess, I’m still recovering.

I basically dreamed I was back in my parents’ house.  They were having a huge party.  Everyone was formally dressed, but it wasn’t a wedding or anything formal.  It was just a regular party.  But not only were my parents in the dream, so were my grandparents, 2 deceased uncles, a deceased aunt, and a deceased family friend.

To make matters worse, everyone was dressed in black, which led me to believe the party was a post funeral type of thing.  Nearby neighbors kept bringing food, and there was soft, unidentifiable music playing in the distance.

One of my aunts was at a table with my grandmother, reviewing some literature about a trip to Las Vegas.  My one uncle was at another table with my dad and grandfather, telling outrageous jokes.  My mom and another aunt were in the kitchen planning another party for the future – which makes me afraid to sleep.

I don’t want to dream about another one of these parties.  I can’t handle seeing so many deceased loved ones in the same dream at the same time.  It nearly broke me, and I’m pretty damn broken already.

Today, after three and a half hours of sleep, espresso will be my best friend, until my heart decides to say screw this, and sends me to the hospital.  If I go back to bed, I might miss out on something I’ve been desperately waiting for in the past few months.

Am I Rude and Insensitive?

I’ve recently come under some harsh comments in response to my comments on various news articles.  I’ve been told I’m rude and insensitive.

The last time I checked, raising awareness by talking about my own health experiences isn’t rude.

Example 1: I made a comment on the sudden passing of a young man who passed away from a heart attack. I made a general comment about how ‘you’re never too young for things like heart disease’.  I continued by sharing my own experiences with heart disease.  How is that ‘getting on my soapbox’?

Example 2: Another comment was about the incorrect uses of beauty products, and how they don’t belong anywhere near the female genitalia.  I understand things are causing cancer, and people suffer and lose their lives to this awful disease.  But doesn’t it make sense to NOT USE anything scented near or IN any bodily orifice? They’re chemicals for crying out loud!  And how is that statement insensitive and uncalled for (NASTY?)???

I’m only trying to make a point.  An honest and frank one.  I’m not an asshole.

I’ve had my fair share of losses, and have almost died had it not been for an emergency quadruple coronary bypass surgery.   I’m about as compassionate and sensitive as a person can get.

End of discussion.