RIP Headphone Users

Currently, I’m working on material for a YouTube channel – something I’ve been meaning to do for a few months.

I have the general idea.  I just need to refine what I’m going to vlog.

But be warned.  I literally have lost half of my hearing over the years.  As a result, I’m obnoxiously loud without realizing it.

My poor husband.  Can’t take me anywhere.

Imagine a female version of Dan Howell.  If you don’t know who that is…

 

…well, I’m not really a screamer, except when someone throws a spider at me, or one other situation.  But I won’t talk about that second thing. 😛

Stupid Human Tricks

People and their bloody party tricks!!!  I swear, the universe is out to get me.  Between eyeball scenes in horror films, an allergy induced case of never ending anxiety provoking dry eyes, and this kind of shit, my eye phobia is getting worse and worse.  To the point where I lose my shit when I get an eyelash.

As one commenter said, “MAKE IT STOPPPPPP!!!”

 

HOW do people even discover they can do this?  I mean, does she have such bad allergies, that one day she just decided to shove her fingers up there?!?!

Why not try something else?  like picking up ben wa balls with your labia, and pulling them into your woman cave without the use of hands?  Okay, that was extreme.  But not any more extreme than this!

And I thought my tongue trick was wacky.  Don’t ask.

Research

I’ve recently been searching for local Mexican restaurants, and seem to be finding a lot of similar reviews – BLAND FOOD.

What many people may not know, traditional Mexican food tends to be bland.  It just so happens that this popular ethnic food happens to be very Americanized – often making it spicy and overpowering.

That’s not how true Mexican food is at all.

Sure, it may be appealing to the typical gringo to have their plates bursting with spice and heat (spice doesn’t equate heat), but this actually takes away from the actual flavor of what is being consumed.

Take, for instance, pinto beans – frijoles.  Okay.  Bad example.  Those are generally plain, unless the masochists out there ruin them by pouring an entire bottle of Dave’s Insanity over them.  Beans are meant to be plain!!!  When I cook them, I add half an onion and about 6 slices of bacon into the kettle, per one pound of dried pintos.  It’s really best to leave the salt out.  Add it to taste when it’s time to eat.

Most Mexican dishes are generally bland.  Peppers are traditionally roasted over a fire, then optionally added at the diner’s discretion/request.  Can you say ON THE SIDE?

There’s literally nothing like gnawing on a roasted red chili in between several forks full of frijolitos y tamales.

Don’t even get me started on tamales.

If you’re headed out for a night of Mexican, wear your eatin’ pants.  I shit you not.  A serving of beans, Mexican rice, 2 tamales, and maybe a stuffed roasted poblano chile will have you crying – if you’re not a glutton.  If you are a gluttonous person, then those few items won’t bother you.  Feel free to add in a few street tacos and some chile relleno.  But don’t complain to me about the 10 extra pounds on your scale a week later.

 

 

Down The YouTube Hole I Go

I can’t tell people how often I get sucked into the weird side of YouTube.  It’s slightly unsettling.  As a result, my poor cache now undergoes weekly cleaning.

If videos of young Colombian males having sex with donkeys (WHY is that even ALLOWED YouTube?!?!) isn’t enough for you, there’s always strange clay animation to mess you up.

I don’t know a single thing about the person who creates and uploads the odd clay animations, but some comments have me rolling my eyeballs. I, of course, had to pick the video apart, and offer my psychological point of view.  To be quite honest, I am not a psychologist, and I have no clue what I’m talking about when I make such comments.  I was tired and I had several people talking to me at once.

I just thought it would be funny to counter the common response: “CREEPY!”

Okay okay.  You got me.  Maybe, given one single aspect of the entire video (a bald naked clay person with expressionless eyes and a robot-like male voice), it could be considered creepy.

But who am I?  I just sit here all day, watching YouTube videos, writing, and staring at my beta fish while he makes bubbles in his tank – as I wait for a writing gig to come through. … some day.  Is selling fanfiction even legal?  It should be.  Especially if the author comes to an agreement with the subject (if the work is RPF).

I’m getting off track again.  I’ll blame my newly discovered … SQUIRREL!

Anyway, if you dare, check out the link above, and leave comments.  Let me know what you think of it.  And I don’t just mean “CREEPY!!!” or “I feel violated!”.  Really watch and listen to the video.  Pay attention to the words.  It might help to watch it several times.  Just watch and listen the first time.  Then close your eyes and just listen the second time around.  Think about the words.  Then go back and observe the little clay person.  Think about why it’s naked, and why it’s saying those words.

Enjoy!

WHOSE Ass?

So, on the way back from taking my oldest back to college – long ass road trip – I was quietly checking my inbox when my husband suddenly says “Where would you put a donkey?” ….

Ummmmm!!!  I can’t tell you how fast my head spun around, thinking 1. he saw an actual donkey , and I wanted to see if Shrek was standing next to him, and 2. WHOSE yard was it in?!?!?!  And it’s going to cause an accident since that yard is on the side of the interstate.

I cannot tell you how embarrassing this was because firstly, I don’t normally react like that.  You just can’t go and say DONKEY! and not expect me to react!  And then when he goes and says “So now you have a thing for donkeys?  HONEY!!!” … Time to clear my cache!  Was he creeping my YouTube history?!?!   Seriously though.  Do NOT search Colombian donkey sex.  Your computer (and the federal government) might judge you.

 

 

I’m Still A Slacker

Hey guys.

So the plague is making another round in my house.  We’ve gone through so much Kleenex, we may as well own stock in the company!  Next will be Vaseline, because my nose is cracked from wiping and blowing it so much.  If it weren’t for the fact that I’m paranoid someone will snap a picture and plaster it on Facebook, I would just wad up a few chunks of the crap, and leave them shoved up my nostrils for an hour at a time.

Meanwhile, I’m so bored out of my skull, I don’t know which website to visit anymore.  I’ve literally become an internet hobo.  Thanks, Dan.  I’m a 46 year old cougar stay at home mother with not a whole lot to do while debating about which gig I want to take.

Who is Dan?  I’m not telling.  Let’s just say he’s a cute gentle giant with sass and curls – who happens to be loved by millions of phangirls.  He and his flatmate have got my creative juices flowing, and I’ve literally cranked out 16 fanfictions within the last few months.  BAD cougar.  BAD!

I told you … I’m bored.

I still love blogging, and really want to try out vlogging.  But I don’t know where to start, and I’m afraid my camera lens might crack, or the internet will crash, or Samara will come out of the computer screen at me and swallow me whole for doing something mainly 20 and 30 somethings do.

I need some motivation.  Any suggestions?

Maybe I need to finish designing my site.

Until then…