Burn It

I’m scared to go outside.  More specifically around the backside of the house, where the bathroom wall is, where there’s a massive web attached to the outside of the window.  I can’t fully see it because our bathroom window has adhesive ‘frost’.  But I can see the shadow of something flapping in the breeze.

I didn’t think anything of it in the past week.  I honestly thought it was just a shadow or something.  I haven’t really payed much attention to it, until today, when I saw something huge scuttle across it.  Like it was at least the size of a quarter, and now my skin is crawling because Cara don’t do spiders.


People take delight in tagging me in spider posts online, but it isn’t funny.  When I was 13, I had a tarantula on my bare foot.  Long story short, my aunt and uncle lived in Tucson, and they had a carport, where there was an extra refrigerator, with a broom leaning against it.  My aunt needed something from the fridge, and sent me out to get it.  So, I moved the broom, and out came a nasty tarantula.

The only thing I remember is screaming, and my uncle laughing at me until he was purple.  I have no recollection of how I was suddenly standing on the hood of their old station wagon.  I must’ve levitated or teleported.  Or maybe I had an out of body experience.  Since then, I rarely go barefoot.  Even in my own house, where there are no tarantulas … hopefully.

Tick Tock

I think people are purposely out to give me the heebs and the jeebs.  Last night sucked.  I was up all night, thinking things were crawling on me.  My morning shower consisted of boiling the crap out of my skin, peeling off the first layer of my epidermis with a rough loofah brush.

First there was the wolf spider in my room yesterday.  I’m glad I wasn’t the one who found it.  When I see a spider like that, I unleash what I call the spider scream.  Everyone who knows me well has come to recognize the spider scream.  A stranger might think I’m being attacked or something.

When I hear ‘OH YUCK’ out of my husband’s mouth, I knew it was bad.  My only answer was ‘I don’t want to know’ – even though I already knew without even getting up from my chair in the other room.

Then on Facebook last night – this is why I’m on Facebook less and less these days … the gross factor – some locals posted about finding ticks in their children’s hair, on their legs, etc. etc.

Apparently, because of the mild winter, the entire northeast is in for an invasion this year.

Screw you, mother nature.  Oh wait.  I’ll blame Al Gore and his bloody global warming.

I think I’d rather deal with spiders.  Well, maybe not all of them, since we now have the joy of dealing with brown recluses.  FML

Check yourselves and your children daily.