This Is Sad

In the weight loss world, every day is a struggle.  Between life and triggers, losing each pound seems like pulling teeth.  And it feels like an eternity for some.

In a recent post on a social media group – which is run and monitored by administrators – I asked about mukbang, and if anyone has had success with appetite suppression via watching mukbang videos.  An hour or so ago, my post was approved, and someone commented.  But I didn’t get to see the comment because I was busy.  However, it was in my notifications.

Any regular social media user knows how notifications work.

To my surprise, my post was removed within minutes of being approved.  While I have not questioned the administrator of the group, I can only imagine what the comment was on my post, and the reason why the post was removed.

I can understand that videos about eating can be triggering, but don’t the rules of the internet state that if you don’t like something, keep scrolling?  I wasn’t trying to trigger anyone.  I was simply trying to suggest that maybe watching eating videos can help curb the appetite.  But I guess I’m more wrong than right, since my post was removed.  But that’s fine.  No big deal.

Meanwhile, I’ll continue to eat vicariously through mukbang videos, without actually eating … because I’m not easily triggered by food, and have self control… not that I’m criticizing anyone.  I’m just saying.

Rant over.


…I need the bathroom.  NOW! …

Day 7 of my current journey, and I think I’m adjusting fairly well – intermittent crying and irritability aside.

I’ve decided not to gorge on any of the foods now listed as free in the current Weight Watchers Freestyle plan. It not only defeats the purpose of learning portion control (a major factor in maintaining a healthy weight), but it will also wreak havoc on my sensitive stomach.

By no means is eating healthy easy for someone with Crohn’s disease and IBS. It sucks gigantic elephant trunk as far as I’m concerned. But, I’ll adjust, and survive. I did the last time I went on this journey.

In case you’re asking how I fell off this wagon, all I have to say is this: because I went into self destruct mode after my father passed away three years ago. I not only starting eating badly, I also sat on my ass, and hopped a long ride on a different, evil wagon, whose name I won’t mention. Luckily, I’m able to jump off that wagon, and stay off for the most part. I’ll take a quick joy ride now and then. But only as a reward when I meet certain goals.

That said, in light of everyone complaining about the new system and their reduced daily points allowance, give it a chance. If you’re going to complain, complain about something worth complaining about. Like the following side effects I experienced today.

•1 slice low calorie whole wheat bread (1 smart point)
•2 tbsp. plain avocado (1 smart point & an itchy throat)
•1 microwaved egg (FREE, plus a side of radiation)
•1/3 c. nonfat Greek yogurt (FREE, plus a healthy dose of gas)
•12 gigantic seedless green grapes (FREE, + an instant canker sore)
•large black coffee (FREE, plus a side of the shakes)
•1 tsp. Coffee Mate flavored creamer (1 smart point, plus a case of the craps)

TOTAL: 3 smart points, plus 1 pound instantly lost, due to the adverse side effects of this bloody way of life that’s supposed to be healthy.

I can’t wait until lunch!


Well, Hello There

I have fallen off the optimistic wagon. But I still have a tiny shred of hope.

Weight Watchers has rolled out their newest plan, Freestyle – FLEX for the UK and other territories. People are losing their shit because their daily points have been seriously reduced. All for the sake of teaching people to make better choices.


I’m sorry, but, those who struggle with food and weight are the same as others who struggle with alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling, and other addictions. Overeating is a behavior, just like being sedentary, which adds to the complicated weight loss equation.

When you have two negatives, it’s difficult to get a positive result – unless you’re multiplying. Wait. That’s only in mathematics.

There are positives to the new Weight Watchers plan:
•There are a shit ton of new foods on the ZERO POINTS list.
•Existing Smart Points for the non-free foods haven’t changed or increased.
•More freedom, according to Weight Watchers.

The negatives:
Less leeway for unhealthy choices. I try not to use the word bad
when it comes to anything psychological, and struggling with weight is
almost all psychological, according to a former psychologist I spoke to 12
years ago.
•There will be a lot of confusion and a considerable period of adjustment.

Trying to teach an old dog new tricks is mighty difficult. Those who want their sweets, will get them somehow or another. Sugar is one of the worst addictions ever. It’s right up there with illicit drugs and alcohol. It does serious damage to the body when repeatedly consumed in unhealthy quantities over time.

Just as sugar does damage to the body (acidic blood levels, diabetes, etc.), general overeating does other damage. Undoing that damage takes three or four times the effort as binging.

This is where meetings are [sometimes] helpful – depending on the leaders and the group. If either are making things worse, then it’s counterintuitive, in my opinion. I would rather pay a psychologist every other week. At least there, I have a full hour to bitch and moan about the bag of Doritos I wasn’t allowed to eat.

All in all, I’m hopeful, but scared. I’ve packed on 30 pounds more than what I originally lost in 2009. Some of it I’ll blame on hormones, since almost every female I’ve spoken to has experienced outrageous weight gain since their hysterectomy. The rest I’ll blame on myself. Yes, I’m owning up to it. I don’t play the blame game when it comes to my health.

Now, it’s just a matter of getting myself out of the funk I’ve been in since 2011. One day at a time, and baby steps. Thank God my husband is on this journey with me again. I don’t think I could do it alone. I don’t do alone. I never have.

Good luck to all in their journey!