About Mamacita

My love for music is considered slightly obsessive. I love it and my favorite artists more than life itself. Writing and photography fight for a close 2nd place. Me? Pffffttttt! I'm managing. I've been slacking though. Time to get back to it. Baby steps.....

Am I Insane?

I’m sure this is a question many insomniacs ask themselves.

On nights where my neck and back aren’t killing me, or my legs aren’t giving me the creepy crawlies, my brain decides NOPE.  You’re not sleeping!  And then I start thinking about random crap.  Some of it is downright ridiculous, and on occasion, mildly paranoid.

Here are a few things that riddle my brain when I’m desperately trying to sleep:

1. Ear worms.  Those are the absolute worst!  It’s the same song, stuck on repeat in my head, and it won’t shut the f*ck off.

There are others that attack my brain.  It’s not just that one. 🤣

2.  Places to hide valuable items – why am I just now considering a storage unit? DUH!
3.  Places to hide if a murderer is on the loose – there is no running 2 miles down the street to the storage unit.

4.  What would I name a pet, if I got one? I can’t seem to make up my mind.

5.  Book and script ideas – these are the second worst, as they occupy HOURS of precious lost zzz’s.
6.  Imaginary scenarios with people I rarely see, or dream of seeing again some day.  Full dialogues included.  These are what lead me to believe I’m insane.

7.  Things I should’ve done differently in certain situations.

8.  Things to invent.

Thanks, Bill.  I know I’m cray cray. 🤪

9.  How to survive in a zombie apocalypse – I’d be among the first to die, because rule number one is cardio, and Cara doesn’t do cardio.

Well, maybe in this case I might do cardio.  But then I’d probably die from a heart attack.  And not because I’m 1000% out of shape.

10. Ways to lose weight without trying.  I’ve accepted that this is a lifelong battle. Baby steps, I guess. Sleep deprivation, daily ‘consumption’, and constant mild dehydration are probably the main culprits in my case.  I’m fairly sure I can fix it, if I cut back on consumption.

11. Retaliatory things to say to online bullies.
12. Existential shit
13. Lyrics to songs I could be making money on
14. Ways to circumvent online chat filters – because I’m a rebel that way
15. New swear words
16. Creative alternative terms and phrases for bodily parts and sexual acts – I’m an awful person.
17. Offensive acronyms – in other words, a normal word that stands for something else.

I think I’ve gotten my problem across.

I’d love nothing more than to stay plugged in all night, with ASMR going in my ears, but I’ve already lost half of my hearing due to my music addiction.

Insomnia sucks, and I’m screwed six ways to Sunday if I can’t get it under control, because sleep plays a major part of weight loss and weight maintenance.  I used to sleep great, until the doctors said no more of a certain medication.  It was affecting my memory.  So, I had no choice. But doesn’t sleep deprivation affect the memory as well?!?!

Anyways … what was I going to say? Oh well. I think I’m done, since I forgot everything else I was going to write.




The only bit of any dreams I had are from two hours ago.  Being awake from 4:30 – 7:30 wasn’t exactly helpful.  I know I had other dreams.  I just can’t remember them.  I was too lazy to jot them down.

I miss playing my violin.  Hairless bow aside, I’ve been having some issues with my neck, which I’ve been getting treatment for since late 2015.  I’m beginning to worry that the arthritic degeneration is getting worse.  Especially in my upper back, which is constantly grinding and popping.

At any rate, this morning’s dream involved a classroom setting, where a violin teacher was reviewing certain pieces, focusing on the most difficult passages.  I clearly recall her saying “Whoever pays attention and plays these passages correctly will be entered for a raffle.”

There were two prizes:  A lifetime of free lessons, and a private performance by David Garrett to kick off those lessons.

As I studied and practiced specific pieces, I began to sweat with nerves, knowing that David Garrett was the one I would be playing for.

Side note: I’m not that good on the violin.  And even if he requested me to play for him irl, I would probably make his Strad sound like a $200 student violin – right before I have a collective heart attack.  I love him, but he is sort of intimidating, and he sort of scares me. Just a little bit. Me practically running from him the last time I met him certainly proved that!

Anyways, too bad I didn’t dream any further than my practice session.  I hate my phone.  Someone called me and ripped me from good dreams again.  It happened yesterday, and it wiped out any recollection of the dreams I had.

But that’s okay.  I’ve been sleeping way too late some days.  An extended winter can have that effect.

Speaking of late, it’s time for my first coffee.  I probably won’t be functional until at least 1:00.  Come to think of it, this day is probably shot.  Maybe I’ll sit outside in the sun, even though it’s still freezing outside.  I need something to pull me out of my current funk.

What Are Your Three?

If you only had three wishes, what would they be?

Me, I don’t trust genies.  They’re disgruntled little demons who twist your wishes around so that you don’t get exactly what you wish for.  Therefore, you need to be very specific – which is actually more difficult than you realize.

Remember that episode of The X-Files, where someone wished for world peace, and the evil bitch genie froze everyone on the planet, except for Scully and Mulder?

It’s all about details.  Don’t wish for a cure, or to be free of your illnesses.  You might wind up dead, and 6 feet under.  Don’t wish to win the lottery.  That much money might make you the most hated person among family and friends.  Or, you might wind up with a ton of people who are simply using you for your money.

That said, here are my three wishes:

  1.  I wish for all people to be more patient, understanding, loving, and compassionate.
  2.  I wish I could be a much better person than I currently am.
  3.  I wish for a struggle-free, happy life and future for my children.

Finally, if you wish for terrible things, expect terrible things.  Karma is very real.  I’ve personally seen it at work.

The Ranch

My sleep sucked last night, thanks to heartburn.  It was my fault, of course.  I was an idiot, and decided to eat a small bag of my favorite Doritos.

Once I finally got to sleep, I went into dreams about my two favorite internet personalities.

In my dream, I was at a meetup, where there was a small group of fans.  Dan and Phil were making us do weird things for pictures to put in their new Interactive Introverts book, which I guess was part of their evil plan to include us in whatever they’re doing.

When Phil suggested we all pose with Darth Vader masks, I had to sit out of the picture because my head is too big, and I couldn’t find a mask/helmet big enough.  But then I was the photographer taking the damn picture.  I wanted to be in the book, dammit!

After all the photo ops, we were now on a beach for some reason, and I was still the damn photographer.  But the rest of the fans were off doing their own things, while I was recording Dan doing some weird exercise along the waterline.

His legs were criss-cross applesauce, and he was using his arms to push himself into the water.  Meanwhile, Phil was behind me, encouraging Dan by repeatedly saying “Good boy”, with Dan yelling “SHUT UP! They’ll hear us, and then the cat’s out of the bag that you’re my daddy!”.

I’m so far in the trash bin……

This morning, after my son got off to school, I went into even stranger dreams.

The setting was some animal ranch, hidden away in the middle of nowhere.  The only way to get to it was to drive a few miles on a ‘seasonal’ dirt road, which was only accessible if you had a code to the locked gate.  No problem.  One of my cousins gave me the code.  Turns out he was the owner of the ranch, and a few people were headed there for a party and fireworks.

But by the time I arrived, someone had found the secret location, and blew up the gate.  After hoofing it all the way to the ranch to warn everyone, the terror had already begun.  Animals were dying, and whoever was doing it was now looking for someone.  I can’t remember who, but we all locked down inside the barn, which was attached to the main house.

I remember trying to help the horses stay alive, but the only way was to sit up in their saddles to untangle ropes that were strangling them.  After that, I made my way into the main house, where I was taking care of many cuddly cats and dogs.  Something tells me this is my subconscious at work, because I want a pet so desperately.

After all was done with the animals, it was time for dinner, and my brother’s girlfriend showed up to help, leading us to a weird wing, close to the edge of the property – which was a f*cking cliff.  Next to the kitchen was a storage room of sorts.  Except in the room was a computer desk, and tables loaded with crafting supplies.  I absolutely had to have all the coloring supplies.  But she let me just borrow some.

Skip over dinner, and now I’m in a living room, in front of a fireplace with my adult coloring books and markers, trying desperately to get my cell phone to work with the ranch wi-fi.  Time to call my other brother, the computer wizard.  Except he was having issues with his cell phone.  And then he was busy talking to his wife, asking her questions about their new phones.

What they didn’t realize was I could hear everything they were saying … and doing.

Even worse is how I went into a completely different scene, where I was doing … things, with whom, I can’t recall.  And of course I woke up gagging, because I started gagging in my dream.  I won’t say why.

Just When I Thought I’ve Seen It All

I’m just innocently scrolling through Tumblr, and this shows up in my feed.

I doubt I’ll eat eggs for a long time.


And then THIS!

I’ll just keep using my Harry Potter mug.  Thanks.

And finally, I think I’ve found the perfect treat for The Bloggess.

Great for Halloween treats, if I may say so.

Lotion & Underwater Caverns

Dreams have been vague lately.  I must be sleeping better.

Last night’s REM cycles involved shopping at a mall, where I found a store that sold lotions and perfumes.  Similar to Bath & Body Works.  There wasn’t enough of the ‘Ocean Breeze’ scented lotion that I wanted, so I wound up buying what few they had left – for a hefty price.  And because the employees felt bad for not ordering enough, they gave me a bunch of makeup and perfume samples.

Kevin had a conniption when I brought it all home, because I tend to leave things laying around the house.  He’s always picking up after me irl.  It’s even worse when my daughter is home during the summer.

But in my dream, I actually took it all upstairs to my room (at my parents’ house of course), where once again it was Christmas, and I had to get ready for decorating the house.

These dreams which involve Christmas at my parents’ house are really wearing thin.  It’s April.  But then again, it’s doing this crap outside right now.

I’m about to head to the tanning booth, for the sole purpose of getting some much needed vitamin D, until either this obnoxiously extensive winter quits, or mother nature gets back on her damn meds.

In the middle of getting lights ready to hang, it came to my attention that some of them weren’t working, and the ones that did work, got accidentally thrown into a lake by someone who doesn’t like Christmas.

And then I was dragging people into the lake with me to go deep sea diving in search of the damn lights.  They weren’t difficult to find.  The hard part was holding my breath for what seemed like an hour as I swam around the floor of this murky lake, gathering up the lights.

For some weird reason, it’s like the lights were trying to convey some message to me, and they kept moving so that I had to swim through their obstacles before I could take them home.  Luckily I’m a decent swimmer.  But if I had to hold my breath that long irl, I’d probably die of an aneurysm.

Another weird thing is that I had to wear special clothes for my little lake excursion.  What deep sea diver wears skinny jeans and combat boots???  It wasn’t fun peeling THOSE off!  Even more weird was how the lights mocked me when I plugged them in to charge as I danced and squirmed my way of out of soaked skinny jeans.

F*cking blinky lights that made Christmas sounds………

And OH MY GOD that’s exactly what the lights were doing in my dream!  Except the bulbs were an outrageous neon red and green color, and it pissed me off, because then I was temporarily blinded.  I suspect the flashing might’ve had something to do with another police car in the street in front of my house again.   People need to stop speeding at 3 a.m.

Between The Lines

Powered up
Ready to fly
Digits warm
Never shy

Crank the power
Don’t wanna miss
A single beat
Of aural bliss

Smooth and easy
It may seem
Frets or none
It’s not mainstream

Knock on wood
Flats and sharps
Mind be blown
There’s a harp

One man show
Will mesmerize
Just like magic
Be hypnotized

Pure euphoria
Prepare the ears
Something amazing
Soon will be here


Something Is Wrong With Me

I watched Unfriended a little while ago, and actually found myself laughing at how horrible the characters turned out to be.

It’s not surprising, really.  Given today’s ease of use and highly accessible technology, things like identity theft, stalking, and bullying have become unspeakably horrific.

When a Skype chat turns bad for a group of friends, their sins are exposed by an evil and very angry force.   Things take a turn during a game of never have I ever – basically confessing your sins – hopefully teaching the viewer to rethink bullying, lying, and throwing important people under the bus.  It could come back to haunt you.

As for laughing, my best friend called me a sicko.  I think I laughed at how stupid the characters are, who all believed they could get away with screwing each other over.  As the old saying goes, karma is a bitch.  She WILL come back and bite you in the ass sooner or later, if you’ve wronged others.

If you believe in things like having a soul, the afterlife, and anything celestial, watch this during the day.  If you’re a conspiracy theorist like me, the creep factor revolving around an easily hackable internet might bother you.

And now I’m off to watch more creepy shit.  I wonder why I don’t sleep well, and have whacked dreams…


Be prepared for a brief movie review – of 2 films, actually.

It isn’t until recently that I’ve been into any type of action films.  One of my best friends can take the credit for that, and my mild obsession with horror films.  Thanks to her, I’m now immune to The Exorcist.  But I’m not reviewing that film.

I’m here to talk about the hilarity in both Crank films, starring Jason Statham as Chev Chelios.

If you don’t like spoilers, or even trailers, then you have been warned.  Keep scrolling if you haven’t seen these action packed comedies.

Watching Statham’s character go to every length to stay alive almost ended me.  Especially a hospital scene where he’s searching for epinephrine to shoot up.  And then the scene where he’s still wearing the hospital gown, walking around with uncontrollable wood.

But the second film is my favorite of the two.

Scenes involving Venus are the some of the funniest.  Most memorable, for me anyways, was a brief part where a stripper comes out in the street and screams “You owe me big time!” … reminiscent of this famous line, from a different film.

If crude humor isn’t your thing, then these films may not be for you.  But it’s a safe bet that you’ll be fine if you’re into any type of heavy action films that contain violence and coarse language.

Meanwhile, I’m off to search my streaming subscriptions to revisit both Crank films.  It’s cold, raining, and crappy.  Perfect day for a film binge whilst I get current with household things – and die from dust allergies in the process…