Soundgasm … Was This A Previous Title?

Jesus H…

I’ve been listening to ASMR for a little over year now, and just today, one of the few ASMRtists I subscribe to has managed to make my pupils dilate, along with giving me MAJOR tingles – a rarity for me because of my extensive hearing loss.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. T ASMR

He is awesome!

All you pervs, get your minds out of the gutter. Sometimes ASMR can provoke some mild sexual arousal, but that’s really not what ASMR is all about, regardless of the countless YouTube channels out there that sexualize it.

The 3D sound of ASMR provokes a rather unusual response within the brain, creating a feeling similar to goosebumps along the back of your skull, and sometimes down your spine.

Quite literally, a tingle. NOT SEXUAL!!! So stop it right now.

ASMR is a mini euphoria of sorts. In the correct setting, it is thoroughly relaxing, and often induces such a relaxed state, it puts most listeners to sleep – which is what many listeners are seeking, given their moderate anxiety and sleep troubles.

I can’t tell you how often I have sat in my recliner and plugged in for the sole purpose of seeking a calm, relaxing session of tingle inducing ASMR. It’s very popular, and for a very big reason: It’s relaxing, and definitely helps with easing anxiety and sleep issues.

Similar to white noise, depending on individual preference and what helps them, ASMR helps with achieving a decent night of rest.

I don’t know how else to describe it, so, check it out for yourself.

Some of the most popular ASMRtists are WhispersRed, ASMR Darling, ASMR Zeitgeist, ASMRMagic, and Gentle Whispering ASMR, to name just a handful, along with the gaining popularity of the slime and floam specialty subgenre of ASMR.

Slime in itself is a popular fad. But when you find the right creators who provide high quality videos and live streaming, you will be well on your way to sleeping like a log. I should know. I’m currently listening to a live slime/floam stream as I type this entry, and my eyelids are fucking fighting to stay open, even though I had a good night’s sleep last night.


Just go try it out. What’s the worst that could happen?

If certain sounds bother you, such as mouth sounds, and similar sounds, then ASMR is not for you. It will make you want to either destroy your earphones, or punch your computer screen, or both.

To Vlog Or Not To Vlog

I have a major idea for vlogging.  But, in light of recent YouTube and AdSense restrictions, I’m very hesitant.  Maybe I’ll start small, and progress to a fan sponsored site – if it ever gets to that point.  We will see.  I’m still on the fence for one main reason – which I cannot share here … or anywhere online … EVER.  But, I digress.

There is so much pressure to make virtually everything PC, sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth venturing down the road to internet fame – or even fame, period.  Not that being famous is on my list of priorities.  Aside from the financial aspect, being famous can be a horrific experience.  Also, I’m not on par with ‘popular’ opinion, unfortunately, and I realize that could hurt any possibility of making extra money via the public eye.

Even more so, I’m afraid to even get a regular job these days.  I’ll need to pre-train my brain well beforehand, so that my mouth doesn’t get me fired and/or sued for anything construed as hate, racism, sexism, etcetera.  Not that I’m a hater.  But let’s face it.  You look at someone wrong these days, or even smile (it seems), and you are sued for something.

And that’s my rant for the day!  I’m off for a nice hour of relaxation – and a much needed adjustment.

Dream Journal #3

I’m beginning to feel like a freak. Well, my husband says I’m not normal. I know I’m not normal in many ways, but to tell me it’s not normal to recall dreams is making my anxiety a lot worse than in already is.

Anyone who personally knows me, knows I sleep like crap. I’m up and down constantly, shifting frequently to relieve my achy back, shoulders, and hips – in between sitting up to check if hubby is still breathing. Let’s not forget the once a night bathroom trip if I don’t go right before I hit the pillow.

When I talk about dream recall, I can tell you very vivid dreams from 10+ years ago. Even some dreams I used to have as a child. I always thought this is common. Apparently not.

So …. I have a new appointment for a neurology sleep consult. My cardiologist ordered it because I was diagnosed with severe obstructive sleep apnea, and he thinks my machine isn’t the correct one, which is screwing with my sleep. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have the correct machine. I cannot exhale with it on. And now, I have issues with breathing through my nose due to year round allergies from hell. So, I need a full face mask, and a machine that has auto titration.

But that’s not why I’m being referred to a neurologist. I guess there are several specialists who treat spleep apnea.  I used to see a pulmonary specialist.  But now, it’s time to see a neurologist.  The cardiologist didn’t like my description of my nightly dreams.  UGH!  Just leave me alone.  I’m sick of all the ‘ologists’.  My regular doctor and cardiologist are quite enough, thank you very much.

AND, I’M BROKE – IN THE RED.  …no thanks to Obama care and the insane shit it allows the medical industry to get away with.  But I’m not here to get political.

On with last night’s dreams.  Which is what I set out to do in the first place, until my husband started his routine I have a medical anomaly for a wife spiel.  …. I wonder why I’m depressed…

Last night’s dream recall is pretty borken (damn you, Bloggess! I actually typed that by accident).

The first part I remember is wandering some random streets in downtown Niagara Falls, New York.  I was on Pine Ave., but it didn’t look like Pine Ave.  HOWEVER, Pine Ave. always looks the same in my dreams – filled with cool shops for the tourists.  I passed a nice book store (there’s an adult bookstore on 19th street, just off Pine Ave FOR REAL).  Then there was a women’s clothing store.  They didn’t have anything nice that fit me, so I left.

Next was a pizzeria.  It was closed.  Of course!  Because I was hungry, dammit!  So, I headed to the tattoo place.  And of course I didn’t have enough money for the tattoo I want, so I tried bargaining with a female artist, and she threw me out.  Crap.

Then I was suddenly back in college, getting yelled at for skipping classes – something I did a lot of in my last semester, because hell, I was graduating with a 3.4 average anyways, so I could get away with it!  I think I have that dream frequently because it’s my guilty conscience working on me.

I swear some of the things I dream are my sins coming back to haunt me.

The next dreams I had happened when I went back to sleep after my son got on the bus. I TOLD you I do that! It’s cold AF outside. Do you honestly think I’m going to just bounce around my house at 7 o’clock in the morning, doing housework?

Anyways, I think I’m suffering from screen overload. Or maybe over-stimulation, period.

I was at some variety show that was being televised. There were a bunch of YouTubers there, including some of my favorites. And of course, I got challenged to a 7 second sake challenge. I’m thinking this dream happened because I had sake the other day, and I managed to hold on for about 4 seconds. Our chef took delight in watching the rest dribble into my cleavage. Bastard…

In the end, I won the damn challenge in my dream, and I got to sit with these two squishy dorks for the rest of the show.

…only to be recorded by them for their next video… YES, I was doing stupid things for the rest of my dream – all for that damn 7 second challenge.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need some nutrition, caffeine, and a lobotomy.

I’m Going Back To Garcia

Why is it that only doctors get my last name correct?  When I was young, kids in school used to pronounce my first name incorrectly.  I either got Cara (pronounced like Car a), or bloody Carla.  If people can’t get it right, I prefer the former.  Do I really look like a Carla?  Don’t answer that.

Skip to 11:58


Not bad for a first attempt at my last name, Dan.  But that’s OK.  Luckily I didn’t yell about my first name.  You’re the only one allowed to say it that way – for now.  Now please, take off that cheese! It’s bad enough watching Overcooked.

I’m starving!

Seriously though.  Gamingmas is one of the best things in a long time.  It gives me something to look forward to each day until Christmas Day.

Now excuse me while I got cry into my coffee over my butchered name.  😛

Tiny Leaps And Bounds

Have you ever been so confused that you need to start over?

I don’t know how people juggle multiple platform accounts. I guess that’s what managers and teams are for.

But I’m just a nobody. I’m a stay at home mom, just trying to organize and consolidate my social media. It is not easy. But, I’m getting there. All I need is content, which I’m working on. I have a mile-long list of ideas. I need to get my sh*t together and write the bloody material.

My blog is just part of the picture – the beginning stages. Honestly, I really don’t know how people like Jenny Lawson manage things. What’s the secret? Should I just stick with a few platforms, and leave it at that?

I see creators across many more platforms than I’m willing to attempt. I guess I’ll just take it a few tiny steps at a time, and see where it goes.

It’s not really my intention to get anywhere. It’s really just an outlet, to be quite honest. An outlet to keep me busy, until I go back to school.

Do I DARE create a Tumblr? Is that platform even the place for the content I want to create? I’m slightly afraid.

I’m open to suggestions.

PS: It’s Friday the 13th, and I’ve created brand new Twitter and YouTube accounts. Yesterday it was Facebook. God help me.

Ad Senseless

What is happening with YouTube?  And the internet for that matter…

Well, YouTube really isn’t the root of the problem. It’s the human race in general.

But why?

What a shame if the concern about hate speech is preventing many aspiring hopefuls from earning money.

I understand the need to reduce as much hate speech as possible, but come on.  Whether or not it is eradicated from [social] media, hate will always exist. As will many other less than positive behaviors and thought processes.  There are no two ways about it.  Suppression does not equal elimination.

I’d say these restrictions target at least 75% of the content on YouTube.

I hate to break it to everyone, but life will never be strictly rainbows and unicorns. Good cannot exist without evil, and vice versa.

Limiting free speech only strengthens anger and hate.

Sooner or later, creators will become fed up, and resort to alternative moneymaking options. Many are already switching to Patreon. Where will that leave sites like YouTube?

Sorry, but there is no true ‘safe place’ in the world.

And finally, S M H.



Have you ever gotten to a point to where you just can’t settle down enough to relax?  Do you have trouble falling asleep?  Are you anxious?  Your mind is racing, perhaps?

WARNING:  If you have misophonia, then stop right now.  What I’m about to recommend is NOT for anyone with misophonia.

For the those who don’t have sensitive ears, this may interest you.

Not long ago, I discovered something called ASMR.  It was by accident, when I was watching a YouTubers react video.  Phil Lester mentioned something about ASMR.  I had never heard of it.  Naturally, I Googled it, and found MANY videos.

Have you ever heard a sound close to your ears, and it made you shiver?  This is basically what ASMR is.  Except better.  Especially when you use earphones or ear buds.

The first ASMR video I encountered was this.


Masking tape was the first trigger for me.  If you don’t know what a trigger is, it’s basically whatever triggers your response – your shiver, or, as these ASMR community calls it, your tingle.  And believe me, once you experience that tingle, you will want more.

Since ASMR Darling has a more gentle approach, I began to search for something stronger – the male voice.  Even though these YouTubers whisper, there’s something about a male voice that triggers a bigger response.  Female voices only give me a mild tingle – usually in the back of my head.

This guy gave me a little bit more.

Pardon my example.  It’s his latest upload.  This one is one of his better ones, because he gets closer to the microphone.

Then there’s this.

First of all, what a cutie!  But WOW, does he give me tingles!  All the way down to my tailbone.  His whispering voice is deep, and he really knows how to work Frank, his 3D microphone.

But it’s not only tingles you can experience with ASMR!  If you’re one of those who gets into the zone with music, then this will almost definitely put you in a trance-like state – if it doesn’t outright put you to sleep.


RIP Headphone Users

Currently, I’m working on material for a YouTube channel – something I’ve been meaning to do for a few months.

I have the general idea.  I just need to refine what I’m going to vlog.

But be warned.  I literally have lost half of my hearing over the years.  As a result, I’m obnoxiously loud without realizing it.

My poor husband.  Can’t take me anywhere.

Imagine a female version of Dan Howell.  If you don’t know who that is, just search YouTube for ‘Dan Howell Screaming’.

Or watch him play this…

Well, I’m not really a screamer, except when someone throws a spider at me, or one other situation.  But I won’t talk about that second thing. 😛

Listen Up!

Do people even listen anymore?  Recalling some words from a person I love dearly “Don’t look. LISTEN”, I often wonder how many people actually listen.  Many people only hear what they want to hear, and miss many things, like an important message, a cry for help, or the truth.

But that’s not why I’m writing this entry.

I’d like to share something I’ve recently been made aware of.  Thanks to a recent YouTubers React video, I’ve become slightly hooked on something called ASMR – autonomous sensory meridian response.

If you’re a sensory type of person – you like certain sounds, you like to touch and/or smell things – ASMR can be quite satisfying.  For those who have sensitive ears, even if they’re sensory, ASMR can be very uncomfortable.  I know of 2 people in my immediate family who cannot stand many sounds.

Maybe because I have significant hearing loss, it doesn’t bother me.

I’ve recently discovered just how sensory I am while browsing Tumblr.  I do not recall the exact keyword I typed in the search bar, but I was suddenly presented with a lot of video clips that were tagged with the word STIM, or stimming.  ASMR is tied with stimming.  It’s very popular among those with ADHD and ASD.  It can also be therapeutic for those who suffer from anxiety and depression.

When I first heard of ASMR, this gal’s videos were the first I listened to.  But BE FOREWARNED.  If you have any misophonia tendencies, you may want to avoid ASMR all the way around.  I’m sure you don’t want to smash your iPod, or your outrageously expensive smartphone.

After listening to a few typical ASMR videos, this guy showed up in my ‘suggestions’ bar, and I wound up down the YouTube hole once again. …..

Dozens of ASMR videos later, I’ve recently purchased a load of Floam and slime.  The glue industry has experienced a massive boost in sales due to all the how to make floam videos.  But I’m not that far into it – yet.  I don’t know if I want to go that far.  There’s a question of chemical safety when it comes to making your own slime and Floam.  Do your research before you start purchasing gallons of glue and boxes of Borax.

As with anything, ‘too much’ can cause trouble.  This may very well be the case with making your own slime and floam.  Everything in moderation, and with supervision if you’re a minor.

Meanwhile, I’m off to listen to more slime ASMR videos.  It’s just one of those oddly satisfying sounds.

Down The YouTube Hole I Go

I can’t tell people how often I get sucked into the weird side of YouTube.  It’s slightly unsettling.  As a result, my poor cache now undergoes weekly cleaning.

If videos of young Colombian males having sex with donkeys (WHY is that even ALLOWED YouTube?!?!) isn’t enough for you, there’s always strange clay animation to mess you up.

I don’t know a single thing about the person who creates and uploads the odd clay animations, but some comments have me rolling my eyeballs. I, of course, had to pick the video apart, and offer my psychological point of view.  To be quite honest, I am not a psychologist, and I have no clue what I’m talking about when I make such comments.  I was tired and I had several people talking to me at once.

I just thought it would be funny to counter the common response: “CREEPY!”

Okay okay.  You got me.  Maybe, given one single aspect of the entire video (a bald naked clay person with expressionless eyes and a robot-like male voice), it could be considered creepy.

But who am I?  I just sit here all day, watching YouTube videos, writing, and staring at my beta fish while he makes bubbles in his tank – as I wait for a writing gig to come through. … some day.  Is selling fanfiction even legal?  It should be.  Especially if the author comes to an agreement with the subject (if the work is RPF).

I’m getting off track again.  I’ll blame my newly discovered … SQUIRREL!

Anyway, if you dare, check out the link above, and leave comments.  Let me know what you think of it.  And I don’t just mean “CREEPY!!!” or “I feel violated!”.  Really watch and listen to the video.  Pay attention to the words.  It might help to watch it several times.  Just watch and listen the first time.  Then close your eyes and just listen the second time around.  Think about the words.  Then go back and observe the little clay person.  Think about why it’s naked, and why it’s saying those words.