People and their bloody party tricks!!! I swear, the universe is out to get me. Between eyeball scenes in horror films, an allergy induced case of never ending anxiety provoking dry eyes, and this kind of shit, my eye phobia is getting worse and worse. To the point where I lose my shit when I get an eyelash.
As one commenter said, “MAKE IT STOPPPPPP!!!”
HOW do people even discover they can do this? I mean, does she have such bad allergies, that one day she just decided to shove her fingers up there?!?!
Why not try something else? like picking up ben wa balls with your labia, and pulling them into your woman cave without the use of hands? Okay, that was extreme. But not any more extreme than this!
And I thought my tongue trick was wacky. Don’t ask.
I bet you were thinking I was going to write about how only parents know the true meaning of quickies.
WRONG!
I just literally came over from YouTube, after trolling yet another video. But I don’t know if my comment was truly a troll-ish comment. I was just trying to be helpful, by offering healthier suggestions.
Now by no means am I healthy! I’m about as unhealthy as a person can get. I don’t sleep well. I don’t eat right. I worry and stress needlessly. And I sit on my fat ass most of the time. But I do know what I need to do to get healthy. It’s just a matter of finding what I’m not allergic to, and start eating healthier.
You see, my body is a gigantic twat waffle, and likes to attack anything good that I try to do.
Like when I go outside to walk, I start having sneezures, and I itch. It’s like my body says ‘NO, Cara. You’re not doing this. Go BACK in the house!” Okay. So, I go back in the house, do some flights of stairs, until my knee tells me to go fuck myself, and I wind up falling, cracking my tailbone.
As for eating healthy? Let’s just say there’s a demon named inflammation living inside of my immune system. Inflammation is what happens when you introduce foods you’re allergic to into your body. More allergies. Enough to make me believe that if I were to eliminate every offender from my diet, I’d only be able to eat maybe 10% of any food that exists on this planet.
F M L
Meanwhile, there are no miracle quickies out there that makes any one individual healthy and fit. Maintaining weight and muscle takes actual effort and routine.
I truly believe that a majority of unhealthy living has to do with lack of routine, and the ability to keep a routine.
And that, folks, is why I trolled the video above. Just look for the ‘biting the bullet’ comment, and I dare you to say I’m wrong.
I think people are purposely out to give me the heebs and the jeebs. Last night sucked. I was up all night, thinking things were crawling on me. My morning shower consisted of boiling the crap out of my skin, peeling off the first layer of my epidermis with a rough loofah brush.
First there was the wolf spider in my room yesterday. I’m glad I wasn’t the one who found it. When I see a spider like that, I unleash what I call the spider scream. Everyone who knows me well has come to recognize the spider scream. A stranger might think I’m being attacked or something.
When I hear ‘OH YUCK’ out of my husband’s mouth, I knew it was bad. My only answer was ‘I don’t want to know’ – even though I already knew without even getting up from my chair in the other room.
Then on Facebook last night – this is why I’m on Facebook less and less these days … the gross factor – some locals posted about finding ticks in their children’s hair, on their legs, etc. etc.
Apparently, because of the mild winter, the entire northeast is in for an invasion this year.
Screw you, mother nature. Oh wait. I’ll blame Al Gore and his bloody global warming.
I think I’d rather deal with spiders. Well, maybe not all of them, since we now have the joy of dealing with brown recluses. FML
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