I’m Going Back To Garcia

Why is it that only doctors get my last name correct?  When I was young, kids in school used to pronounce my first name incorrectly.  I either got Cara (pronounced like Car a), or bloody Carla.  If people can’t get it right, I prefer the former.  Do I really look like a Carla?  Don’t answer that.

Skip to 11:58

 

Not bad for a first attempt at my last name, Dan.  But that’s OK.  Luckily I didn’t yell about my first name.  You’re the only one allowed to say it that way – for now.  Now please, take off that cheese! It’s bad enough watching Overcooked.

I’m starving!

Seriously though.  Gamingmas is one of the best things in a long time.  It gives me something to look forward to each day until Christmas Day.

Now excuse me while I got cry into my coffee over my butchered name.  😛

¡Muévete!

…I need the bathroom.  NOW! …

Day 7 of my current journey, and I think I’m adjusting fairly well – intermittent crying and irritability aside.

I’ve decided not to gorge on any of the foods now listed as free in the current Weight Watchers Freestyle plan. It not only defeats the purpose of learning portion control (a major factor in maintaining a healthy weight), but it will also wreak havoc on my sensitive stomach.

By no means is eating healthy easy for someone with Crohn’s disease and IBS. It sucks gigantic elephant trunk as far as I’m concerned. But, I’ll adjust, and survive. I did the last time I went on this journey.

In case you’re asking how I fell off this wagon, all I have to say is this: because I went into self destruct mode after my father passed away three years ago. I not only starting eating badly, I also sat on my ass, and hopped a long ride on a different, evil wagon, whose name I won’t mention. Luckily, I’m able to jump off that wagon, and stay off for the most part. I’ll take a quick joy ride now and then. But only as a reward when I meet certain goals.

That said, in light of everyone complaining about the new system and their reduced daily points allowance, give it a chance. If you’re going to complain, complain about something worth complaining about. Like the following side effects I experienced today.

•1 slice low calorie whole wheat bread (1 smart point)
•2 tbsp. plain avocado (1 smart point & an itchy throat)
•1 microwaved egg (FREE, plus a side of radiation)
•1/3 c. nonfat Greek yogurt (FREE, plus a healthy dose of gas)
•12 gigantic seedless green grapes (FREE, + an instant canker sore)
•large black coffee (FREE, plus a side of the shakes)
•1 tsp. Coffee Mate flavored creamer (1 smart point, plus a case of the craps)

TOTAL: 3 smart points, plus 1 pound instantly lost, due to the adverse side effects of this bloody way of life that’s supposed to be healthy.

I can’t wait until lunch!

 

Well, Hello There

I have fallen off the optimistic wagon. But I still have a tiny shred of hope.

Weight Watchers has rolled out their newest plan, Freestyle – FLEX for the UK and other territories. People are losing their shit because their daily points have been seriously reduced. All for the sake of teaching people to make better choices.

AS IF!

I’m sorry, but, those who struggle with food and weight are the same as others who struggle with alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling, and other addictions. Overeating is a behavior, just like being sedentary, which adds to the complicated weight loss equation.

When you have two negatives, it’s difficult to get a positive result – unless you’re multiplying. Wait. That’s only in mathematics.

There are positives to the new Weight Watchers plan:
•There are a shit ton of new foods on the ZERO POINTS list.
•Existing Smart Points for the non-free foods haven’t changed or increased.
•More freedom, according to Weight Watchers.

The negatives:
Less leeway for unhealthy choices. I try not to use the word bad
when it comes to anything psychological, and struggling with weight is
almost all psychological, according to a former psychologist I spoke to 12
years ago.
•There will be a lot of confusion and a considerable period of adjustment.
Understandable.

Trying to teach an old dog new tricks is mighty difficult. Those who want their sweets, will get them somehow or another. Sugar is one of the worst addictions ever. It’s right up there with illicit drugs and alcohol. It does serious damage to the body when repeatedly consumed in unhealthy quantities over time.

Just as sugar does damage to the body (acidic blood levels, diabetes, etc.), general overeating does other damage. Undoing that damage takes three or four times the effort as binging.

This is where meetings are [sometimes] helpful – depending on the leaders and the group. If either are making things worse, then it’s counterintuitive, in my opinion. I would rather pay a psychologist every other week. At least there, I have a full hour to bitch and moan about the bag of Doritos I wasn’t allowed to eat.

All in all, I’m hopeful, but scared. I’ve packed on 30 pounds more than what I originally lost in 2009. Some of it I’ll blame on hormones, since almost every female I’ve spoken to has experienced outrageous weight gain since their hysterectomy. The rest I’ll blame on myself. Yes, I’m owning up to it. I don’t play the blame game when it comes to my health.

Now, it’s just a matter of getting myself out of the funk I’ve been in since 2011. One day at a time, and baby steps. Thank God my husband is on this journey with me again. I don’t think I could do it alone. I don’t do alone. I never have.

Good luck to all in their journey!

I’m Going To Die Anyways

People kill me.

I understand the reasoning behind trying to live as clean as possible. But, it’s literally impossible to eliminate all toxins from daily living.

When you think of it, almost everything in our daily lives is toxic. Electricity is toxic. Our water is toxic, for fuck sake! Do you really think it’s safe to put fluoride into your body, via tap water? If you go by what Kevin Trudeau says, you practically need to live in a cave, away from civilization to live clean. Drink only rain water, and only if it’s thousands of miles from any major city. CHRIST! It’s absolutely ridiculous.

Avoiding GMO products and changing unhealthy habits like smoking is one thing. But telling me not to burn candles, or use anything on my skin that I can’t eat (excuse me?), or not to wear any clothing except for organic cotton borders insane.

What started out as a simple request for opinions on some nice smelling candles, has turned into eye rolling and major paranoia.

Apparently, candles are bad for you. More specifically, candles containing paraffin, and harmful chemicals, like LEAD. YIKES! Is there anything enjoyable in life that isn’t bad for you?

I refrained from getting into another heated argument with a stranger a little bit ago. It took a lot of restraint.

Is it 5 o’clock somewhere yet? Oh, wait. Alcohol is toxic to your liver…

No, I Said

I do not like
To relocate
Pain and suffering
I do equate

Heavy boxes
I hate to pack
Moving furniture
Breaks my back

It burns my wallet
Every time
Do they really think
I have a spare dime

Not to mention
It makes me edgy
Taking a toll
My nerves are sketchy

* * * * *

PS: I hate moving……….

It’s All Fun & Games

…until you grow up.

Has anyone ever thought of themselves as a juvenile adult? I’m quite childish in recent years. Especially since my parents are both deceased. Many strangers can never guess my age when I ask them. I love getting proofed for alcohol.

If you’re a teenager reading this, don’t be so quick to ‘grow up’. Certain aspects of adulting suck-a-doodle-doo. And I made that one up all on my own last year. It nearly gave my daughter an aneurysm because she laughed so hard when I said it.

By the way, I lied when I said certain aspects of adulting sucks. ALL of it sucks.

When we were young, we hated naps. Now, we can’t wait to have a nap, and we want as many as possible. In fact, I wouldn’t complain if I could sleep 24/7. But that’s unhealthy. Don’t do that.

When we were young, we wanted to be cool and have a job like our friends. NOW? As an adult you live for Fridays, and cry on Mondays.

When we were young, we couldn’t wait to drive. As adults, people we know die in car accidents. Our vision starts to fail, and we don’t get our license renewed unless that vision test is passed.

When we were young, we couldn’t wait to legally drink and smoke. As adults, we have lung disease and fried livers.

When we were young, we couldn’t wait to get married and start a family. As adults, our children give us gray hair and put us in the poor house.

When we were young, we spent our ‘hard earned’ college years side-job money carelessly. As adults, electricity and water get shut off if money is spent carelessly.

When we were young, we couldn’t wait to have a credit card. As adults, we claim bankruptcy because of them.

When we were young, we couldn’t wait to eat as much junk food as we wanted. As adults, things like heart disease and diabetes is cause for higher health insurance premiums.

Someone please answer me this: WHY did I want to grow up?

I can’t wait to turn 50 in three years. WOOHOO!

Holiday Zoo

T’was the day before December, when all through the city
I should’ve woken early, but the weather is shitty
The streets are all decked with holiday cheer
The mad rush is on, until the new year

The children in school, all antsy at their desks
While visions of lunch dance in their heads
With hubby at work, and me in my bed
I consider some shopping, but I still feel quite dead

When out of the blue, I felt a slight whim
I brewed a fresh coffee, and filled it to the brim
Into the bathroom, I quickly got ready
Preparing for hell, I’ll take it slow and steady

The clouds are covering most of the land
I start my car, the driveway is quicksand
When what to my very tired eyes should appear
An oil light of warning, a change is soon near

With a curse and punch to my steering wheel hard
I get on the road, bad drivers I disregard
No matter how careful I am with my habits
The idiots surround me, they drive like they’re rabid

“You asshole, you dick, you can’t drive a stick!”
“You’re not supposed to stop when you turn. MAKE IT QUICK!”
To the end of the street, and around the corner
I’m finally moving, the car is getting warmer

The mad rush of mid-day is so aggravating
So much for lunch, ’til dinner I’m waiting
A few miles down, the traffic congests
What was I thinking? I’m beginning to stress

And then in a moment of random road rage
The driver next to me seemingly aged
A horn and a crunch, not far from us is heard
The sirens will follow, along with curse words

Finally away from the hustle and bustle
I’ve reached my destination, I can safely unbuckle
Taking a breath, I reach for my phone
Where is my purse, to the floor it had flown

The store is a zoo, but that is alright
I’m feeling determined, I proceed without fright
I rush to the carts, there’s only one left
I push my way past, the people I nearly heft

I suddenly smell cookies, my cold nostrils flare
I proceed with caution, I’m a dieter – beware
Through the aisles, I place special things
In the cart that I’m pushing, where germs are the kings

The shelves are messy, destroyed by the masses
Since the recent Black Friday, what a bunch of asses
Even though there isn’t, much of a selection
I find a few treasures, and proceed with inspection

I look at my watch, I haven’t much more time
I must check out, there’s a million people in line
I scramble to the front, of the store with little worry
Is that Santa I hear? Oh, please cashier, HURRY!

As he approached my lane with a smile
He handed me candy. He’s here for a while
My day is much brighter, and not so depressing
I return home safely, and count all my blessings

The Thunder Rolls

It’s not what you think
It isn’t a book
It isn’t a forest
It isn’t a nook

The pinging of droplets
Falling like rain
May work for some
For me not the same

It isn’t a whisper
It isn’t a purr
It isn’t a shower
It isn’t liqueur

The single thing
Soothing the pitfalls
For me at least
Is Niagara Falls

It isn’t quite calm
It isn’t abyss
It isn’t just ‘home’
It isn’t just bliss

The powerful roll
Of the thundering waves
From the river above
Observed from the caves

A/N: I was born and raised 20 minutes from Niagara Falls, New York. For 38 years, I took advantage of the fact, and rarely visited the tourist sites – Goat Island and the surrounding areas, directly at the edge of the American Falls. Now that I’ve been out of the area for nine years, I miss it dearly. If anyone has the means for such a trip, I highly recommend it. And, regardless of what stories are ‘out there’, the American side has just as many nice attractions and accommodations as the Canadian side.

It is truly serene.

Slackerino

Don’t ask what that word is. A certain rat and his weird words has rubbed off on me.

It’s Monday, and I’m way behind on everything. I’ll blame last Thursday’s turkey, and the fact that I had to drive long distance to bring my eldest home for the short break. It was good to see her though. In a few short weeks, she’ll be back for a longer break. And then I can make her drive me everywhere.

But today, after I finish freezing the rest of my 25 pound bird, I need to fold laundry. I’m supposed to go Christmas shopping, but I’d much rather be sitting in my chair, crocheting things I’ll never finish – and catch up on my shows. Yep. I’m a slacker. And it takes being screamed at to get my ass off the computer or out of my chair. I don’t dare sit to crochet, knit, or anything else for that matter during the holiday season.

Oh well. Time to get a move on. I had my hour of fun on Toontown Rewritten.

But first, coffee – or I just might crawl back into bed, which could very well end my year with papers.