It seems like every day is a bad hair day lately. It sucks living 4 hours away from the only person you trust to touch your hair. And I’ve definitely had a bad hair month.
Last night’s dreams were centered around my best friend and my hair. She was always working, and I was always waiting for her to come home so we could play puzzle town. Don’t ask. It’s a thing from our childhood.
When she finally got home, we ordered sliders (chicken wings), and listened to Goosebumps audio books while we put together a few puzzle town sets. When the sliders arrived (delivery), I accidentally got red sauce in my hair, and she noticed I needed a haircut. But then she couldn’t find her scissors, and we started rummaging through her kitchen for a pair of school scissors.
Thank God this dream didn’t turn weird, because it’s bad enough I’m only running on 4 hours. The only weird thing is the cutting my hair part of the dreams seemed to go on forever – like a slow motion kind of thing. But that’s fine. My subconscious needs a break from weird now and then.
This is not the Friday I asked for (exhausted). Please send coffee.
My Keurig just made a noise that resembled digital musical notes. Is that supposed to happen, or did I imagine it? I’m not sure I want to know. One thing I do know is music and coffee are my only motivational tools today. I need them right now, or I won’t get this entry done. Continue reading
Leave it to kids – even older ones – to say things that could cause choking or peeing accidents. Never mind a heart attack or stroke. I’m probably going to die choking on food because one of my kids will say something outrageously funny – like pronouncing fraternity like frat-er-nitty. Continue reading
Everyone has phobias and fears that nearly give them an aneurysm because they’re frightened to death of whatever possibly traumatized them at an early age. I should know. A tarantula scuttled across my bare foot when I was younger. Another thing that messed me up was the last time I was atop the observation deck at the Skylon Tower in Niagara Falls, Canada. Continue reading
Experts are now suggesting that if you don’t release your farts, they could back up in the form of a nasty burp.
So stop squeezing your butt cheeks together, and let it rip. And if anyone gives you shit about it, ask them if they’d rather smell the negative effects when you brap in their face. If you’re wondering what the hell a brap is, it’s a word I use when I burp. You can thank my older brothers for teaching their little sister nasty habits.
My mom is rolling in her grave…
If there is any truth to farts coming out of your mouth because you didn’t want to stain your underwear, I’m certain it smells much worse than a fart would, since it has been through your bowels, and worked its way back through your bacteria infested system.
I don’t want to imagine the taste.