Last night’s dreams were scattered, with few details remembered.
In case you’re wondering who Phil is, he’s the very flirty half of a dorky duo I love and sometimes include in my entries. But I didn’t dream about him. He’s just to blame for what I’m about to assault you with.
The first thing I remember is going to the doctor to get my ear cleaned. I think I was trying to reach my brain irl as I slept. I have a very itchy ear for some reason. Mainly the side I sleep on. Anyway, the doctor insisted that I had to see an oral surgeon for the tmj & tinnitus I have.
Uh, excuse me, how did she know I have tmj & tinnitus? Apparently my ears were ringing so loudly, she could hear it. So she was now guiding me into another exam room, where there were a ton of drills, scalpels, and other torture devices all over the place.
After pleading with the oral surgeon, convincing him I’ve already had enough surgeries for three lifetimes, he let me go with a prescription to help me with my vertigo. Thanks for the anxiety, doc. I hate you. Now give me some Xanax while you’re at it … ???
Then I was driving in the dark to find an open convenience store because now I was thirsty and hungry af. I’m pretty sure I was hungry and thirsty irl. I woke at 3 to visit the throne, and I consume almost 20 ounces of water again. And then Kevin woke up for work, and he was like “Are you okay?” “No.” Because on my way back to bed, I somehow gave myself a muscle spasm in my upper back, next to my shoulder blade. Great.
Once I finally drifted off again, I was now sitting in my dad’s garage, with Criss Angel asking him a bunch of questions about me. He apparently wanted to hire me as an assistant in his secret Las Vegas warehouse.
But as I was cleaning up the garage – because CRISS ANGEL WAS THERE! – I bent to pick up something, and my dad made a weird face. I must’ve sat in something, because Criss was now staring at my ass.
Leave it to my dad to say “You really need to take better care of your lady door”. WTF DAD!!! AND PHIL, for his Goddamn lady door! Well, at least Criss didn’t chime in with female exit. And if you’re not a phannie, you’ll have no f*cking clue what the hell I’m on about with lady door and female exit.
If you’re from the UK, then you’re more likely to know who Dan and Phil are. That’s Phil on the right. And my daughter says I’m a very bad cougar for liking them.
And now it’s time to face 6 baskets of laundry. I’d rather clean the bathroom.